WARNING Article May Feature Rob Lowe Naked

by travistack

This weekend, the “Prom Night” remake took the highest ratings at the box office… of course, you have to keep in mind it’s competition was Keanu Reaves’ cop drama, “Street Kings”. Which I’m not going to see.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t watch Keanu Reaves’ movies that don’t have Alex Winter in them. …That would be like a sandwich without bread. Just plain fucked up.

Tim Robbins recently went ape shit as Keynote speaker at a convention for the National Association of Broadcasters. He was kind of right; but he still went ape-shit.
Robbins accused the media of focusing on the wrong stories, distracting the American public from more important world issues. “Haven’t criminal acts occurred in government?” asked Robbins. “Shouldn’t there be accountability for inept policy decisions? Shouldn’t someone be fired? And you know something? I didn’t hear any of that, because I am still thinking about that starlet getting out of the car without the panties.”
So, at least we know what’s really on his mind.
Later he started doing a dance on top of the undiscovered WMDs and urinated on a couple neo-conservatives in the first row. Just your standard, Tim Robbins salute really.
A couple people walked out… not as many as when Bob Roberts opened. I think he was wearing his leisure shoes… that’s probably why the whole afternoon was so relaxed.

At least it wasn’t Sean Penn talking; cus he would have said “soiled and blood-soaked” panties. You know, he likes his metaphors like he likes his personality… brooding and tortured.
I was at a Q&A with Tim Robbins once, and I asked him where I could go to find unbiased news.
And he laughed at me. And then… didn’t answer the question.
So here, Tim. Check it out… this is what your glib response has caused. Do you like what you’re reading, Tim? How’s that for unbiased, you smug bastard?
(Just kidding… “Embedded” was a really good play! Please don’t have your wife kill me.)

Ollie Johnston, the last surviving member of Walt Disney’s “nine old men”, has died. It’s a tragedy, but in all fairness, if you’re part of an organization with that name, then you probably should have seen it coming.
I have difficulty imagining a time when people still named their children things like “Ollie” and “Herschel”. It’s weird to think that, at one point, there were a bunch of babies named Herschel running around; angry nannies chasing after them screaming “Herschel! What’re you doing? Stop eating that daffodil, Herschel!”
If I met a baby named Herschel I would just stand there screaming “why aren’t you old yet?!” at him until the cops made me stop.

Now, for an update, Jessica Gibson, the ex-employee of Rob Lowe (the one who’s being accused of blackmail), is claiming that Rob Lowe sexually harassed her, touched her without permission and gave her a nice little smack on the ass to boot. She also claimed that Lowe’s wife enjoys frolicking around the house in the nude while making “vulgar” comments about her sex life with Rob. Oh, and she also accused Rob Lowe of masturbating in front of her.
Man… sounds like fun times at the Lowe residence! This really is a party… I can just imagine it now; I’m drunk, walking through the hallway, suddenly Rob hops out of a closet and runs by whackin’ it in a sort of drive-by situation. Man…that’d be a party!
But, in all seriousness, Rob… you’ve been famous for more than 20 years and, STILL, women are lying to their friends about having intimate sexual relations with you. I think you easily qualify as one of the coolest people in America (just America, though; not the world. You can’t compete with the Chinese. …some of them can do real magic).

Speaking of magic, does someone want to tell me when Chris Angel started taking fashion tips from ZZ Top? Apparently he rocks torn denim, leather and a beard now. He looks like Rob Zombie if Rob Zombie had a vagina and was covered in glitter.
Why does Chris Angel look like he has never been in the sun before in his life? Hey, here’s a magic trick that would actually amaze me: get a tan and then make me actually care about your career! Or, how about you pull Britney Spears out of a hat, and then pull a hat out of Britney Spears. That’d get viewers.

OK! WAIT… HOLD THE FUCK UP.
Someone tell me why Martha Stewart’s dog dying news? Who gives a shit if this lady’s dog died? What’re you gonna do, send her a muffin arrangement? No you’re not; ‘cus, first, it’s not gonna meet her standards, and, second, I don’t think you can get her home address.
Remember when a dog dying was a somber, personal experience? Just a family, gathered around the toilet, waving tearful goodbyes to their former pet.

Oh, and since I wrote a lot about it, I should mention that, apparently there’s controversy and debate among Marilyn Monroe scholars about the validity/existence of her sex tape.
Which is interesting… but not as interesting as the fat that there are “Marilyn Monroe Scholars”. What the fuck did you people dedicate your lives to?
What are you ACTUALLY? You’re a barber aren’t you? It’s ok… these days it’s Ok to be a barber.