Full Price for Late Pizza

by travistack

Is it bad that I regularly listen to songs from the Labyrinth Soundtrack? Is that some kind of problem? It’s not a compulsion or anything; I just love to watch Muppets singing David Bowie songs. Not much Trumps that. But enough about Labyrinth; let’s move on to the News!

Joe Francis, creator of Girls Gone Wild, has denied any involvement in possible tax-fraud related to his company. The actor made his statement following a hearing at the US Court District in Los Angeles. Francis claimed innocence; he then offered each member of the jury a t-shirt if they took off their tops.
This, of course, is a prelude to his upcoming release: “Girls Gone Wild: Supreme Court Edition”. Watch as Sandra Day O’Connor wrestles the Constitution in a zero-g, hot-tub full of Jello!
You too can watch Ruth Bader Ginsberg strip down to her unmentionables in this straight-to-DVD presentation that some critics are calling: “more fun than studying tort law!”

Scott Michael Foster, star of the show “Greek” has been arrested for a DUI. Of course, I expected better of someone who plays a beer-swilling, girl-abusing, paddle-loving, frat-monkey. (Not that I have anything against anyone involved in the Greek lifestyle or anything.)
Apparently, this is what the actor spends his time doing when he’s not playing bags.

In case you’ve just tuned in:
Sarah Jessica Parker’s mole is still missing!
Last seen on her chin, the mole is wanted in connection with crimes against humanity. If you or anyone you know has seen this mole, please report it to your local law enforcement community.

Read on for more information about The Blue Man Group, Naomi Campbell and others!

I was reading an Ad today and it made me think… Can anyone honestly tell me wouldn’t be they think the show wouldn’t be more popular if “The Blue Man Group” changed there name to “Smurfs: The Musical”?
Because that’s pretty much what it is. It’s a bunch of mute Smurfs who like to touch the audience (get paint on them, play in their hair, bang inanimate objects together, etc).
It’s like hanging out with a couple of invasive toddlers only you’re paying for them to bother you. I really don’t get it.

Naomi Campbell, gentlewoman that she is, has refused to pay a $400 fine from the Ritz-Carlton in Moscow after she set fire to the silk sheets in her hotel room. Frankly, when you pay more than that for shoes on a regular basis you might as well just pay the fucking fine. Guilty or Not.
You know, skip a massage, pay the fine and just go on with your life.
I mean, unless Naomi LIKES all the media attention or something.
Wait…. Wait just one second here… something is starting to add up in my head… I mean, if she…. If she wanted to….then…. wait…wait….I… shit….
Never mind. I thought I was onto something there, but I lost it.
Oh well.

Everyone’s most hated couple, Spencer Pratt & Heidi Montag, have announced plans to go to Iraq for Christmas!
The publicity stunt, this one in particular, not their whole marriage, is being partially planned by John McCain. And, considering Heidi will probably be dressed up as “slutty Santa” for most of the trip, I’m sure they’ll blend right in.

Last of all, Estelle Getty (Sophia from “Golden Girls”) has passed away. In case you don’t remember; she played the old woman on that Sitcom.
From all of us here at National Lampoon, let me say:
Rest in Peace, Estelle. You were very funny and you will be missed.