Stuff My Husband Told Me to Say After He Gave Me Allowance

by jessicagottlieb

And a lovely Wednesday morning it is.

After yesterday’s shake rattle and roll we sat down for supper at house and I asked my husband, “Darling, why are there earthquakes?”

He proceeded to explain to me that it’s because G-d is angry with us. We are not following his laws. Did you know that there are women who run regular features on their websites with titles like Friday Feminist Fuck You? Boy, no wonder no one would marry them. I mean seriously, look at these women:

There’s Jessica:

Whatever, she doesn’t count she’s so pretty I think we can snatch her back from the angry liberals with a good man as bait, but she might be prettier with a smile and an apron (a spatula wouldn’t kill you either). Seriously Jess, if you want to get your guy really horny dab some cooking vanilla behind each ear, it’ll remind him of his childhood.

The Hollywood Reporter had an interesting article about growing a penis. You see their story about the Evolution of a Screenwriter completely ignores all the women in the industry. Why? Because their husbands are hungry! Go home and cook already. If you want to be a screenwriter in Hollywood you need a penis, it’s just logical. (Hat tip to my cousin for making fun of Women & Hollywood)

I won’t go on a complete rampage but I really need all the angry lesbians to stop recruiting our pretty girls. I see all the rumors about Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson over there at TMZ but I’m onto you.

I think it’s a well established fact that Lesbian Gangs are taking over the Northeast. I mean, Bill O’Reilly said so, Oh, and so did my husband. Apparently Ellen Degeneres spilled the beans back in the 90’s and told all of us that every time she recruits another lesbian she gets a toaster.

Now seriously folks, what’s a lesbian going to do with a toaster. We all know they can’t cook. They weld or something.

(whatever, not her)

In any event, I don’t want to blather on too much, but I do want to alert you to the dangers of the interweb. Those Feminist women are leaving everything feminine behind and if you check in with me each Wednesday I promise to help you navigate the murky waters of catching yourself a husband worth keeping.

Because, really ladies, he’s we all need.

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Jessica Gottlieb has more maritial advice for women who believe the lies perpetrated by the liberal agenda, just go to JessicaGottlieb.com and she’ll tell you everything her husband explained to her a few hours ago.