The Sunday Laze – Slowest News Day Ever Edition

by travistack

Hey, guys! So; today I’m writing to you from a Panera! Guess why?
No; it’s not the soup & sandwich deal… That’s right! They have free Internet here! So, since the fat man won’t stop looking at me and I want to leave; let’s get started!

Victoria Beckham has to deal with a three month waiting list in order to get her hair cut. Now, for the love of all that is holy, why is this considered news? Why are journalists covering this? Isn’t there any real news? Did I miss something? Did the war in Iraq end while I wasn’t looking?
It must be a slow news day. I mean, how last resort is this article? I think this is what they report on when Kathy Griffin is out of town. Corey Haim didn’t want to do anything crazy today so they wrote about this.
Victoria Beckham’s appointment to get a hair-cut.
There.
Stop the presses.

Just to add some validity to my comments, right before sources picked up on the Beckham story, they were reporting that Kathy Griffin said she wants to fuck an Emmy Award; and, if she could, she would.
(Note: This is a real news-story).
We attempted to reach Creative Arts Emmy for comments, but the award was unable to respond as it was cowering in fear under the bed.

Oh, and, just in case you thought the news week was speeding up:
(SPOILER ALERT) Apparently, Matthew McConaughey said Lance Armstong will win the next Tour de France!
As we all know, Matthew McConaughey is the authority on this. So, that’s set in stone; the man’s always right. Why even have the race at this point?

And, in case you haven’t gotten enough of the “Opinions of Famous People”, Pamela Anderson dislikes Vice-Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin (in fact, she went as far as to tell her to “suck it”.) So, why stop with just publishing her opinion? Why not enforce it? We should do it. We should make Sarah Palin suck Pamela Anderson’s fictional penis.

And frankly…. That’s the best I can do. I’ve got nothin’.
So sue me.