Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 2

by andybeckerman

 

Hey jerks! Andy and Drake here again to nominally talk about what TV they saw during the previous week, although since we’re a bit behind, this means the previous previous week or in words that have been said by people: a fortnight aft. Follow within the following link to see what two people you don’t know had to say about The Simpsons, the VP debate and that new HBO cartoon with the guy.

Andy: So, what’ve you watched this week? Anything interesting? Also, we should try to watch our grammar.

 

Drake: We’re doing this on G-chat, though.

 

Andy: That’s no excuse for poor grammar…kids these days.

 

Drake: We invent new grammar!

 

Andy: In my day (the late 1800s), we used to have an inch of flesh torn out of our backs for each grammar mistake. I had to wait 60 more years for skin grafts to be invented before I wasn’t embarrassed to take my shirt off during sex.

 

Drake: Well at least you have a reason. Do you ever watch Family Guy? Or any of that business?

 

Andy: Again, I’ve barely caught up with this past week of TV. I haven’t seen Heroes yet, but that’s made it to the bottom of my TV pile. It’s also made it to the bottom of my pile pile, just below a pile of shit.

 

Drake: Yeah, it’s just trash. Oh except for the part where the fire girl asked Claire if she knew what waterboarding was and then proceeded to suffocate her…

 

Andy: Thanks for the spoiler, pal. Anyway, last Sunday was decent. Simpons was typical late-era style, but I loved the gag of him suffocating his targets with a plastic bag.

 

Drake: Yeah. That was mad funny. Simpsons are usually good for a few laughs even if it’s kinda on autopilot.

 

Andy: I noticed Marge never got fired or never quit the erotic bakery. Maybe they’ll actually carry something over. I actually think at this point the lack of continuity is hurting the show because they have nothing to fall back on.

 

Drake: Well initially, that was a great move.

 

Andy: At least Smithers gets a commitment ceremony.

 

Drake: Haha. But we don’t see it…it’s barely in there. I don’t know if that carries over. But the thing I was going to get to–did you ever see the Sadgasm episode? It was from last year, I think.

 

Andy: I’ve seen every episode, but pretty much everything from season 11 on runs together in my memory.

 

Drake: Fair enough. It’s a 90s throw back. Homer is basically Kurt Cobain…for some reason…the point is, the show has now been on so long that initially the story of Homer and Marge meeting used to have him in the letterman’s jacket, etc. It was probably supposed to be the 80s or even the 70s. But since they never carry anything over and nobody ages or anything–we now have flashbacks to a time that’s actually after the show started, which is really strange, if you think about it.

 

Andy: I enjoyed the non-continuity for a while, but it seems like if the show wants to stick around and still be vital, they should alter it just a little. I’ll write up my proposal and send it to Matt Groening. When he hires me as showrunner, you’ll see what I’m talking about.

 

Drake: Well sure.  So, what else you check out anything this week? Honestly, pretty much everything was Sarah Palin or Sarah Palin related.

 

Andy: I had to write about the debate for another blog, so I watched that, but it was so terrible that I mostly fucked around online.

 

Drake: Yeah me too. Did you see the CNN coverage?

 

Andy: Biden’s a complete asshole who voted to make bankruptcy more difficult for the average citizen and Palin’s a fucking retard.

 

Drake: Did you see the CNN coverage?

 

Andy: No, I watched ABC or something. Why, what did CNN do?

 

Drake: Haha. CNN now has even more bullshit play by play graphs. I wish I could show you a picture. Maybe I’ll find one. The just dominate the widescreen with bullshit. They used to have a running graph of responses to the speeches–for Democrats, Republicans, Etc. Now they have an even crazier one that just judges stuff based on a group of people from Ohio. They added 6 commentator score cards, which are completely arbitrary and more importantly, at the end of the debate none of them matched at all, so they prove nothing! Only that nobody has any idea what the fuck they are talking about–or at least any ability to reach a consensus.

 

Andy: Well, who were the commentators? Knowing the way the news media works, they probably had a dog, an 8-yr-old, Andy: someone who won a medal in the Olympics a Joe-Six-Pack red stater, an effete New York intellectual, and a magic imp from the 33rd century.

 

Drake: The usual CNN people–a Republican pundit who thinks that Palin did great and a Democratic pundit that thinks Biden did great, etc…

 

Andy: They’re both shitheads, but at least Biden doesn’t talk like a 1950s sitcom mom.

 

Drake: Odd side note, magic imps are strongly opposed to gay marriage. I don’t know why. I think it just makes them uncomfortable.

 

Andy: They’re incredibly sexually repressed.

 

“Alright, you got me. I’m a terrible human being and totally unfit to do anything more than incite hillbillies to scream racist epithets.”

 

Drake: Republican speech writers just leave space for <insert folksy idiom>. And the numbers skyrocket.

 

Andy: “Geepers Beev, when the Maverick’s in charge, we’re gonna build a death camp for illegal immigrants. Shucks!”

 

Drake: I dunno, death camps are expensive. I think the common wisdom favors more like a giant wall with turrets.

 

Andy: They’ll pay for themselves. “It’s gonna be Jim Dandy when the world is a dystopian nightmare the likes of which will make apocalyptic sci-fi films look like documentaries. Gee willikers!”

 

Drake: Not to get too far off topic–answer me this, Andy…

 

Andy: By the way, I called Palin a barely-human idiot, but I just spent five minutes trying to take my air conditioner out of the window and finally ripped it out, and realized that I had left one of the screws in. At least I know I’m strong enough to tear a screw out of wood now.

 

Drake: I guess that’s something. But ok, this is what I was going to ask and it’s more of a grand philosophical question but it pertains to the debates and the Joe Six-pack thing: Why would you want to be known as average or normal? When does that get fun?

 

Andy: Well, it’s part of the whole anti-intellectual movement in the US

 

Drake: It’s like their is some benefit to drinking warm Natty Bo out of a paper cup. You don’t drink it cause it’s good…it’s just available.

 

 

Andy: It fucking kills me. There’s this huge contradiction that part of the founding myth of our country is that you need to be an individual, but at the same time you need to be part of the crowd. Well, which is it, turds? And who the fuck wants a leader you can go have a beer with? I want these fuckers to be inspiring and intelligent, not like some shitty idiot at the local watering hole who’s been crushed by existence until the best thought in his head is about what’s he’s going to jerk off to later.

 

Andy: The answer is “tits” by the way.

 

Drake: The answer is always tits.

 

Andy: I’d like a leader that could actually govern based on evidence and a vision of the world that doesn’t break everyone into “good” and “evil”.

 

Drake: Dare to dream.

 

Andy: The world isn’t a fucking video game. Bowser isn’t going to be hiding out in Fallujah.

 

Drake: If it turns out he is, you owe me a dollar.

 

Andy: Sauron isn’t commanding Muslim forces because some dumbass ring tells him to.

 

Drake: God. We should write that movie. Cause that sounds….awesome

 

Andy: “There’s evil in the world.” Wrong, dicksucks! There’s just thousands of shitty people who don’t know their ass from their urethra. Which is fucking problematic when they have to take a shit.

 

Drake: Ok so, we got way, way off topic.

 

Andy: Right, did you see that Adventures of Tim show or whatever it’s called…The Life and Times of Tim.

 

Drake: No, I did not. Is it any good?

 

Andy: It’s a new cartoon on HBO, and it was weird, but kind of funny. It’s obviously based on offensive humor, which is a bit overused at this point, but what made it funny was that the people in it had such flat reactions to what was going on. It’s a sub-par Home Movies, but I think I’ll stick with it for a bit.

 

Drake: Haha. Oh man, I loves me some Home Movies. Where’s Brendan Small when you need him.

 

Andy: The first segment had Tim’s girlfriend coming home from a cruise with her parents and Tim is sitting there on the couch with a prostitute. And it unfolds in such an even manner; no one is really that upset. I think their reactions alone made the episode worthwhile.

 

Drake: Cool. I’ll check it out. Sound fun. Ok, I’ve got to run. I promise to actually talk about TV next time.