2012: Prepare To Die

by ThaneEconomou

Prepare to die, because this film is so mind blowingly awesome your brain will melt and drip down the back of your throat.

I did have a couple of thoughts though…

The director, Roland Emmerich, kicks Michael Bay’s ass up and down the school of Explosion College. Don’t get me wrong, I’m psyched to see Bay blow up robots using other robots, but this seems like it’s on another level of death, destruction, and Cusackness.

Roland Emmerich knows how to destroy cities better than fundamentalist jihadists. His track record includes Independence Day, Godzilla, and The Day After Tomorrow. He’s destroyed New York City on three separate occasions! Yet I love him so much I want to take him behind the middle school and get him pregnant.

And I’m glad John Cusack got over his whole “doing good movies” thing. This is where the award-winning actor belongs – running away from massive tidal waves. Oh, and that’s another thing. The giant ocean tidal wave seems near identical to the one from Day After Tomorrow. Except bigger. Which is all a man can ask for.

I must point out, though, that I am upset that they’ve cast a black man, Danny Glover, as the president. It used to be that if you wanted to make a brave statement with a sci-fi film, you’d have a Black president (like Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact). But now, it just seems lame, man. Give me a woman president, or a Latino president, or a Polak president, or a White president. But not a Black one.

Now, a lot of people are worried about 2012 actually being the end of the world. The Mayan calendar, which was surprising accurate, ends in December 2012. However, I believe this was all part of the most intense viral marketing campaign of all time. For this movie.

It turns out secret producer Mel Gibson was behind the viral marketing campaign for 2012. He said: “Yeah, I figured I’d make a prequel, Apocalypto, first. Then we’d make 2012, which is about the apocalypse. Get people talking about the movie, and conspiracy theorists getting people excited. And it was easy for me to put the stuff about the apocalypse in the Bible because I talk to God.”

Gibson’s additions to the 2012 script include death by flood, earthquake, and high loan rates at Jewish banks.