Why did Kimora Lee Simmons think it necessary to tweet through the labor of her third child this weekend? I mean, really? Hasn’t this whole twittering thing gotten out of hand? Who needs that much connectivity?

Doctor: Um, Mrs. Lee Simmons, I could really use your help. Could you, um, maybe push a little please?

Kimora: Just a sec, Doc. I’m responding to a really funny tweet about Gerber products. Oh ha ha ha! Jada, you’re just such a hoot!”

And how was she not so drugged up on Demerol that she was able to still tweet straight? I’m just saying, if some dude ever managed to get the deed done with me, I would be so hopped up on ludes I wouldn’t be able to find my face, let alone tweet. Here’s how my hypothetical tweet labor would go.

Doctor: We’re about to make a slit in your perineum.

My tweet: The man with the blue hat said they’re gonna’ give me a candy cane!

Doctor: Ok, we need you to push now.

My Tweet: I like daisies

Doctor: It’s a boy

My Tweet: Does Judge Judy look foxy to you?

Here’s a good rule of thumb for all those celebs who’ve been brainwashed by their own pics in US Weekly to think all us layfolk need/want/desire up-to-the-minute updates on their daily minutiae via Twitter. If the doctor says “I’m about to make an incision” anywhere and for any reason – don’t tweet. If the cop says “I’m gonna’ need you to step out of the car” – don’t tweet. If your illegitimate love child just pooped green – don’t tweet. We don’t need it. We can’t take anymore.  We’re begging you to stop.  Please.