Dan Brown’s New Book Revealed!

by ThaneEconomou

In his follow up to best sellers Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown has revealed the cover art to his next Robert Langdon adventure. His novels are known for their fast pace and fast pace. This book, like the others, will soon be adapted into a film by director Ron Howard and actor Tom Hanks, both in a much needed break from critically acclaimed films.

The story concerns Langdon using his increasingly handy knowledge of symbology in Washington D.C. Whereas previous books have taken place within a 24 hour period, Brown has stated this book, The Lost Symbol, will take place over a 33 minute period.

National Lampoon has gotten its hands on the first few chapters of the fast paced book.

FACT:

Many of the founding fathers were Freemasons

FICTION:

The rest of the book.

Chapter 1

Robert Langdon raced through the halls of the National Archives. He knew the clue had to be around here somewhere.

A clue.

It was on the floor in front of him. A piece of parchment, dropped by the villain, no less.

He handed it to Samantha. Her grandfather had been killed this morning. She was in grief. And yet Langdon looked at her heaving breasts, her smooth tanned skin, and long brunette hair. He knew he would have her. But not until the mystery was solved.

The parchment only had symbols on it. Langdon was a symbologist, the most essential knowledge needed when solving murders.

“I’ve figured it out.” Langdon said cheerfully. “We need to get to the Declaration of Independence!”

Chapter 2

Langdon had always suspected the Declaration of Independence was not written by Thomas Jefferson, but by the Catholic Church.

Langdon and Samantha arrived in front of the document. Their hands briefly touched.

Not now, thought Langdon.

“But where is the map?” asked Samantha sexily.

“It’s written in invisible ink on the back,” said Langdon, frustratively.

Chapter 3

Over in the White House, a group of hooded figures stood in a circle in the Oval Office.

“No one will ever expect the Catholic Church has taken over the White House,” said a hooded figure, creepily.

“They thought Obama was a secret Muslim. But they never expected him to be a secret Catholic,” said another hooded figure, also creepily.

The hooded figures then descended into the hidden stairway that exists below the President’s desk.

They were going to kill Langdon.

Chapter 4

Langdon removed the document from its frame.

Chapter 5

“We’re running out of time,” screamed Samantha seductively.

Langdon flipped over the document.

“Wait, I’ve discovered the solution,” announced Langdon proudly.

“That means we can have sex, right?” asked Samantha inquisitively.

“Not until the end of the book, which is still 400 pages away. But listen, doesn’t this all seem familiar? This is exactly the plot to National Treasure,” exclaimed Langdon, matter-of-factly.

“But I thought National Treasure was a rip-off of us?” asked Samantha, still sexily, but also a little curiously.

“Solving age old mysteries, heroes with bad hair, sure. But now, with us in Washington D.C., it appears it is we who are copying the Nicolas Cage films. Unless… unless…” Langdon stopped confusedly.

Then a hooded figure stepped from out of the shadows.

Samantha grabbed on to Langdon. Her firm breasts against his buff professor’s arms.

The hooded figure took off his mask to reveal himself to be Nicolas Cage.

The Lost Symbol is in bookstores September 15^th.