Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 3

by andybeckerman

Ah, another week of TV come and gone, and what do Drake and I have to show for it except the emptiness of our lives magnified to the size of giant dinosaurs and put on display for all the world to see. Marvel at the shells we have become! Eat the cancerous nothingness that gnaws at our very beings! Grow obese snacking on our self-loathing like crackers smeared with chocolate-flavored hatred!  But first, read what we had to say about some shows we watched…

Drake: Hey.

 

Andy: What up? What’s the word on the Streep?

 

Andy: The Meryl Streep.

 

Drake: You just blew my mind. Also, I dunno?

 

Andy: The answer is that she just was in that horrible ABBA movie.

 

Drake: Ohhhh. Ok. Yeah I didn’t see that.

 

Andy: What, like I did?

 

Drake: Even though it had that hot chick from Mean Girls in it.

Andy: Which woman? Lily from Veronica Mars?

Drake: Yes. Exactly.

 

Andy: Also, Big Love. She plays the one daughter.

 

Drake: Yeah, so her. I think that was the major draw.

 

Andy: You sure an ABBA themed musical wasn’t the draw? 10s of people love ABBA.

Drake: Well…I saw the stage production…

 

Drake: (Don’t ask.)

Andy: Really, you’re going to admit that to a national audience?

 

Drake: I was going to come out some day. I can’t run forever.

 

Andy: Why don’t you just tell everyone how you were breast-fed until you were 15

 

Drake: Look sir, that is both erotic and convenient! Can we just talk about TV? This is going in an odd direction.

 

Andy: More like an “odd erection”.

 

Andy: Anyway, you’re the one that just admitted to the Oedipus Complex.

 

Andy: Or…Oddipus Complex!

 

Drake: …

 

Andy: Anyway, what have you been watching?

 

Drake: I’m still reeling from that Oddipus joke.

 

Drake: But ok, here’s one. Did you see Entourage last week? Not this last Sunday, but the episode before. We never actually got to talk about it. But it was funny as hell.

 

Andy: I saw the shitty one where they ate shrooms in the desert.

 

Drake: Haha. Are you serious? That was great. I feel like I don’t know you anymore…

Andy: I actually did like one part. When the credits rolled.

Andy: BAM

 

Andy: Seriously though, if Vince was a real actor, he’d suck it up and just take the fucking job. You think David Cross sits around whinging about having to do Scary Movie 12?

Drake: I dunno. Maybe? I would be.

Andy: He signs the fucking contract and uses the money to buy a new apartment.

Drake: I kinda wish he wouldn’t.

Andy: Cross doesn’t even read the scripts anymore.

 

Drake: He’s too good for that.

Andy: That’s what it is to be a working actor.

Drake: He needs to be in more episodes of Wonder Showzen.

 

Andy: Those dudes have sailed on. They’re doing Xavier: Renegade Angel now. Now that is one of my favorite shows of the year.

Drake: Do tell.

Andy: Well, I love comedy that’s so incongruous it gives you a headache from all the illogic. And Xavier has that in spades. Plus tons of puns and it moves so swiftly that you’re carried along by it. I wonder when they’re doing a second season.

 

Drake: No, I get that. A little WTF comedy.

Andy: More than that. It’s sublime! It’s UNCANNY COMEDY!

Drake: Season 2 premieres in October.

Andy: Fuck yeah.

Drake: Feel the power of research!

Andy: I’ll put off my suicide for a few months then.

 

Drake: Well it can’t be that long a season.

 

Andy: Probably about two months. I can be out of here before the holidays.

 

Drake: How’re you gonna do it?

 

Andy: Haven’t decided on that yet. I’m just going to surprise myself.

 

Drake: See this is all fun and games, until a couple months down the road, when that actually happens and people start asking me “Didn’t you see any signs?” And I’ll have to lie and lie. And hope nobody ever reads this.

 

Andy: I wouldn’t worry about that.

 

Andy: No one is.

Drake: Haha.

Andy: Hey, you watch Dirty Sexy Money?

Drake: No. Should I?

 

Andy: No. Probably not.

 

Drake: Haha. Ok. Done and done.

Andy: But it has Nate from Six Feet Under in it.

Drake: Yeah I’m a fan.

Andy: And one of the SFU people showruns it.

Drake: And Nate was on Sports Night. That’s good enough for me.

Andy: The first season of DSM was decent, but as usual, the network fucked with it between seasons and now it’s kind of limp.

Drake: That sucks. The major networks are just dropping the ball all over the place.

Andy: They’re in panic mode. People are starting to discover other media.

 

Drake: Like NBC losing money on the Olympics telecast. How the hell does that happen? You just film Micheal Phelps. Then you play it back to people. How did they fuck that up?

Andy: People really love that douche, don’t they?

Drake: I do.

 

Andy: I mean, Michael Phelps brand Vaginal Cleanser.

Drake: You could probably market that. You could finally leave the cut-throat world of online comedy. Retire to some island with all of your ill-gotten douche gains.

 

Andy: Cutthroat, eh? Maybe that’s how I’ll go out. Slice across the jugular.

 

Drake: Glad I could help.

Andy: Apparently, my friends and family do not like all my suicide jokes. I don’t know why.

Drake: Yes, you seem to have a gun pointed at your head in your profile pic. Perhaps this concerns them.

Andy: It does. Speaking of concerns, I’m concerned True Blood is never going to get any better.

 

Drake: Yeah…I was pretty stoked…for ya know, Anna Paquin and vampires. But, I dunno…

 

Andy: I’m up to the fourth episode, with 5 and 6 sitting on my computer, but it seems like Alan Ball…

 

Andy: …wait for it…

Andy: …really dropped THE BALL this time!

Drake: A large part of my soul just died.

 

Andy: Excellent. Maybe by the end of the season, I can murder the whole thing.

Drake: Wait I thought you were going to off yourself. Damn it Andy! You lied to me!

 

Andy: I can’t murder-suicide it?

 

Drake: Look I had a plan here.

Andy: Don’t try to put me in a hole, man. I can do lots of things.

Andy: Unless that hole is a grave, of course.

Drake: Yikes. Seriously, if you did it in public and somebody taped it, you could post that shit online…internet sensation.

 

Andy: No, I’ll never commit suicide. I’m dedicating my life to making Milton Friedman’s name synonymous with “this century’s worst monster”. That will take a good couple decades.

 

Drake: Good. It’s important to have goals.

Andy: Then I can finally collect my Good, Christian Reward. Which will be 20,000 Space Bucks (the currency in 2060).

 

Drake: Was that the currency from Spaceballs? I’m pretty sure it was.

 

Drake: Anymore TV we need to address, before calling it quits?

 

Andy: I’m trying to think about what I watched this week. I caught the 3rd game of the Phillies/Ddgers match-up. But that’s only because my friend invited me to watch it. Otherwise, I would have literally done anything else.

Drake: Ok I’ve got a good last one. Did you see Thursday Night Live? Or the SNL Thursday night?

Drake: Or whatever.

Andy: No, but I read about it on Alan Sepinwall’s blog. What’d you think?

Drake: Ehh. I don’t think it’s going to work that well. It had it’s moments.

Andy: Is there any other kind of reaction to SNL at this point?

 

Drake: Well no, the show week before last was great.

Andy: That’s probably a lie.

Drake: I speak the truth. It is my curse. It was really good. From the Palin skit on.

Andy: Was this the VP debate one?

Drake: One of them, yeah. But the Thursday night thing and devoting it only to politics… It just seems like Stewart and Colbert already do that so well. I don’t see why you’d want a piece of that. Especially, if you can only get out one half-hour a week.

Andy: SNL: always late to the party.

Drake: And then have to put on the full SNL show in 2 days. It just seems incredibly complicated.

 

Andy: Considering most of their sketches are built off of repeating the same joke ad nauseam, I would think it would be rather easy to reproduce.

 

Andy: Er, produce.

Drake: Ok well I’ve got to run. Until next time?

 

Andy: I’ll keep you in my empty heart.