Drive Thru Diarrhea Diet

by Rachel Arbeit

Taco bell has provided the most ridiculous concept ever: the Drive-Thru Diet.
Obviously Taco Bell loosens the bowels, providing diarrhea… it’s not called it the volcano taco for nothing, but the spokeswoman for the fast-food chain’s newest ad campaign must have spent two years on the toilet losing her 54 pounds!
For the first time in the history of the ever that I know, there is a diet out there that I don’t qualify for because I don’t have a car. It’s great that this is a drive-thru specific diet. You don’t even have to get off your ass to lose weight? Amazing!

Taco Bell has tried to plug the holes in this unrealistic concept with the advisory: “Drive-Thru-Diet® is not a weight-loss program. For a healthier lifestyle, pay attention to total calorie and fat intake and regular exercise.”

But that only makes the entire concept even more humorous. Of course, in the eyes of the head that thinks outside the bun, a “diet” is simply habitual nourishment even when it’s married to a spokeswoman bragging about weight loss from making healthier food choices. It was sweet of Taco Bell to clarify that no matter how obvious the implications, a diet is merely a concept, just like a crunchy taco is merely a deep-fried tortilla.

Plans for famous infomercial salesman Billy Mays (no relation to Willie Mays Hayes) to shoot infomercial-style commercials for Taco Bell obviously fell through. His death from a heart attack this summer caused Taco Bell to scramble for new plans. I guess chalupa plus copious amounts of drugs diet didn’t work for him. Maybe the next warning issued will be against such combination of poisons.

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