Jenna Fischer Off The Market

by ThaneEconomou

There are few things in this world I love as much as Jenna Fischer.

I fell in love with Jenna during her first episode as Pam Beesly in The Office. From then on, it was like magic. Yet today I learned she is engaged to writer Lee Kirk. I feel like all my hopes and dreams just got kicked in the nuts.

Jenna Fischer is a good looking woman. But not too good looking. She can be good looking if she tries. Anyway, she seemed like a nice lady to stalk.

So, I began in the summer of 2006, when I moved to Scranton. I was shocked to find that A) the small Pennsylvania city looks nothing like Southern California and B) the show is filmed in Los Angeles.

Upon moving to California, I took up normal hobbies. Fishing, surfing, and standing outside of Jenna’s house with binoculars. I’m not a pervert or anything. I was protecting her. And watching her undress.

She was funny in both Walk Hard and Blades of Glory, but it was in The Office that my so-called “rampant and violent obsession” took hold (nice prognosis Dr. Finklestien, not worth the $200 an hour therapist fees). On the show, as her relationship with Jim Halpert progressed, I became angrier. I firebomed John Krasinski’s home.

But now she is engaged for real. To a writer, no less.

I guess it’s really over. I’ll take down her shrine in my closet, burn the Jenna doll I made from garbage taken from her trashcan, and slowly and painfully laser off my Jenna + Thane 4Ever tattoo from my lower back.

I will love you always Jenna Fischer.

Now, does anyone know if Zooey Deschanel is single?