Miley Cyrus Single … Still A Felony

by ThaneEconomou

Miley Cyrus recently broke up with her model boyfriend, Justin Gaston. And while all of America is saddened by this heartbreak, everyone should give a sigh of relief since Cyrus was fifteen when she started dating the twenty-year-old, and that’s just gross man.

The felonious relationship of America’s sweetheart to an underwear model seemed too good to be true. And by too good I mean, seriously dude, she’s fifteen years old. What the hell?

Not much is known about Justin Gaston, other than that he is a model who the website AZCentral describes as “[a] long haired hunk” and that he loves minors. Also, Cyrus says Gaston is good friends with her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, and is a good Christian.

With such an age difference, some questioned what Gaston saw in Cyrus, who is a child, not particularly beautiful, and worth over $50 million.

News of the breakup came from none other than the Twitter social networking site. Cyrus wrote: “My hear is in two … and it’s all because of you.” This message was reiterated on her father’s Twitter site, which read “But don’t break my heart … my achy breaky heart … I just don’t think he’d understand” – but sources say that might just be because Billy Ray Cyrus’s twitter account is a constant loop of the lyrics to Achy Breaky Heart in 140 character intervals.

Disney Corporation had no comment on the matter besides to say: “We’d love it if she could start dating Nick Jonas again. That would be a great cross promotion. But we wouldn’t force that or anything.”

In unrelated news, Miley Cyrus was seen on a date with Nick Jonas this past week. Nick Jonas is, of course, the adopted latino sibling of The Jonas Brothers. Cyrus and Jonas formerly dated when they were both 14, and according to a wikipedia, the two were very much in love.

With Cyrus and Gaston officially split, only time will tell how long until the long haired Christian underwear model appears on Howard Stern to reveal Cyrus’s sex secrets.