Mix American Idol With The Golden Globes And You Revive The Oscars

by Garrett Hargrove

Last year’s Oscar snoozefest that saw The Dark Knight omitted from Best Picture contention before the broadcast even started was a wakeup call for the Academy.  Last year’s broadcast was a slight rise over the record setting low point of the 2008 broadcast.  There was a rise in New York, LA and Chicago, but not of the country still failed to really care about Hollywood patting itself on the back and giving smug speeches.  They went out and made a major move in upping the Best Picture nominees to 10 from the traditional 5.  It drew some ire from people, a lot of people shrugged, but very, very few said “yes, that’s what was missing.  More five-minute montages about the Best Picture nominees.”

February 2nd will see the announcement of the Oscar nominees.  We know that AVATAR, The Hurt Locker and Up In The Air will be on the list.  The list will generate a small buzz if we see District 9 on there and a moderate buzz if The Hangover sneaks its way in.  Ratings will climb a little bit on the off chance we might get to see Zack Galifianakis give a Best Picture acceptance speech, even though we all know that the Academy would rather shut down Hollywood altogether than give the award to The Hangover.  They don’t give a damn that it might have been the most enjoyable and memorable movie this year.

And that’s the big problem.  The Oscars are all about this self adulation of this small exclusive club and often end up celebrating the films most people couldn’t care less to see and will be forgetting once that “Special Oscar Winning Edition” Blu-Ray of that film is out of the Best Buy weekly ads.  Not sure if they expect people to tune in to the Oscars when they celebrate these critically acclaimed, but narrowly distributed films, but its not working.  “Oh, man!  Who will win?  The 519th film about how the Iraq war was wrong or the small story of a lesbian dealing with bulimia that had no dialog?  I didn’t see either movie and don’t plan on it, but I am so emotionally invested in this award ceremony!”

By adding 5 more nominees to the Best Picture list, the Academy shows they want to be more inclusive, draw in more people and have the opportunity to celebrate more films in an attempt to nominate those films that resonated with the general film going public.  But even when those fun films we talk about around the water cooler make it on the list, we have no delusions that they might win.  Here’s how I think the nominees will shake out:

• Avatar
• The Hurt Locker
• Up In The Air
• Precious: And The Weird Ass Subtitle
• Inglorious Basterds
• Julie & Julia
• (500) Days of Summer
• (Some Obscure Foreign Film)
• (Film from one of the big Hollywood Directors like Invictus even though it probably doesn’t deserve to be here)
• The Hangover

I’m calling it.  I’m calling my shot.  They will give The Hangover a nomination solely to draw people in.  But it won’t totally work.  But everyone knows it won’t win.  The people they hope are drawn in won’t come just to see their favorite film get 10th place.  Its almost insulting.  Its like creating a special award in Elementary school just so the weird kid can feel like he accomplished something.

Sure, last year people really took to Slumdog Millionaire and were brought in by that.  But it seems like the Oscar success is totally dependent on some film miraculously resonating with the Academy and the people and being one of the five nominees.   But if they made some minor tweaks to the awards, the event of the Oscars itself would be interesting enough and they wouldn’t have to hope and pray that critics and fans line up in order to have a successful broadcast.  So, now you started reading this hoping I would get to the point.  And here is my proposal to fix that (after the break):

My plan is a little dash of The Golden Globes (minus the atrocious attempt at comedy by the presenters), some “American Idol” and a bit of “oh, yeah, that’s pretty obvious.”  Here’s how it works:

Start out with categories. You have Best <Genre> Oscars.  Like the Golden Globes has “Best Musical/Comedy”, adopt the following new categories:

• Best Drama Film
• Best Action Film
• Best Comedy Film
• Best Horror Film
• Best Sci-Fi Film

Then, this opens up 5 times the debate that normally comes with the Best Picture nominees.  Will Avatar be in the Best Action or Best Sci-Fi category?  Should we allow for it to compete in BOTH categories?

The Academy votes on these awards like hey do normally.  They send in ballots and their assistants fill them out.  This brings a lot of new niches of fans and filmmakers into the Oscar family.  And by celebrating the best in Horror and Comedy on the biggest stage, you will force those talented narcissists, only interesting in awards and adulation to tackle those genres, making them better.

Give out those awards at the START of the broadcast. First thing.  Right off the bat.  Before the first commercial break, give out those awards.  But wait!  Then won’t those horror fans and Sci-Fi fans just tune out?  They won’t be able to see that tribute we put together on “Dogs in the films of Jim Belushi”!!!

Wait!  There’s more.

Take the Winners of Those 5 new categories and Best Foreign Film and Best Animated Film and get the Academy AND Viewers to Vote for Best Picture Oscar. After letting the Academy select the Best Drama, Comedy, Sci-Fi, etc, etc…we let them battle it out for the Best Overall Picture of the Year.   For every member of the Academy in the audience, give them those same buttons they give out at “Who Wants To Be a Millionaire” for the Ask the Audience lifeline.  They choose right then and there who gets the Best Picture Oscar out of those.  For members of the Academy at home, they have a web site and log in.

Then, we also open it up to the general public.  Vote by text, email, on the web.  And the fan vote counts for 20% of the overall vote.  So, I think there are like 435 voting members of the Academy.  The fan vote counts for 87 votes.  If you want, even show how the fan vote is going.  Get more people to stay tuned in and text more in order to get The Hangover more votes.

At the end of the Show… give out the Best Picture Oscar.  The Academy still has the say.  They’re still going to get to give the Oscar to cowboys boinking each other out in Wyoming in the 1950’s if they want.  But the film that got that fan vote will feel awesome as well.  The fans stayed through to see if their vote mattered and will feel like they had a say in what films are celebrated.

Who really loses in the proposition?  Would love to hear why this isn’t a good idea?  Prepare to bash the author in 3… 2… 1…

Other little ideas:

• Why not include Music videos for the Best Short Film category?  You’re telling me Thriller wasn’t the best short film of 1983?  Maybe this would make music videos relevant again.
• Its been said a TON, but the Stunt Performers need a category.  At least for the next year until all actors are replaced by CGI.
• Somehow fix the “acceptance speech goes too long, they start playing music over speech, acceptor makes lame joke about them playing music over speech” song and dance we go through every year.
• On the web, have celebrity cam.  You should have cameras embedded in the back of every seat.  Then on the web, you can see a seating chart and click on any name in the seating chart and it brings up a live view of them during the ceremony.  Twitter would be slammed with “OMG! Morgan Freeman it totally staring at Jolie’s cleavage!”