NATIONAL LAMPOON NEWS BRIEFS - June 5th

by ThaneEconomou

Stephen Colbert does show from Iraq. He’ll have to compete with Al-Jazeera’s The Infe-daily Show.

The Hangover is released in theaters. When watching this movie I threw up and fell asleep. Granted, I was hungover.

Land of the Lost is released in theaters. Made for those Will Ferrell fans that love his movies, but want more expensive special effects and extensive action sequences.

John Stamos tells New York Daily News he’s eyeing a Full House feature. And the clouds opened up and God said “I Love You Thane!”

Sacha Baron Cohen sued for Bruno stunt that left woman in wheel chair. He’s hilarious.

Spencer Pratt bonds with Stephen Baldwin on I’m A Celebrity. Wait, Stephen Baldwin, hanging out with an equally idiotic man, in a confined jungle area. I really hope they’re remaking Bio-Dome.

Susan Boyle released from London clinic for exhaustion brought on my incessant paparazzi and media coverage. Our National Lampoon crews are on the scene outside her home, waiting for her to exit, and we’ll have more on this tragic story as it becomes available.

Conan O’Brien starts Tonight Show. Jimmy Fallon settles into Late Night. Carson Daly says, “Hey, does anyone remember I exist. I come on after Jimmy! Hello? Remember me? I used to date Tara Reid. Hello?”

It is Mark Wahlberg’s birthday. He is 38 years old and has three nipples.

20^th Anniversary of Tiananmen Square protests. Or as it is called in China: what?.

11 year old Moshe Kai Cavalin graduates from Los Angeles College. Good luck in this economy idiot.

FSU study shows boys who have “warrior gene” are more likely to join gangs. Scientists also prove I have the “scrapbooking” gene.

At a German zoo, a homosexual penguin pair are raising an abandoned egg together, and thus have become the gayest birds since Big Bird.

David Carradine found dead in hotel room. Found hanging with rope around neck and genitals. Authorities say it may have been auto-erotic asphyxiation. He was found in Bangkok. He was there filming a movie called Stretch. Please, no jokes. Too soon.