Page, Plant O.D. on Metamucill?

Dear Zaz,

I bloody wish it were the Same Old Song and Dance, but it’s not. We kicked off our first of reunion show with some Good Times, Bad Times but in the end, the Songs Remains the Same. So what if it wasn’t a whisky, vodka, sex and cocaine fueled romp through our classics to recreate our hey day? Was that what you really expected? A bunch of rock pioneers pushing sixty to come out loaded looking to fuck? Plant had to work out with a personal trainer to get in shape for this one show! We’re fuckin’ old, mate! We’re lucky to not have to Ramble On with replaced hips! When it comes to decadence and debauchery, How Many More Times? We’ve had our fill enough so that we’re sober now and still DAZED AND CONFUSED! The music however, I Can’t Quit You Baby! That’s what it’s all about. That and our fans and Ahmet, our promoter, is what we’re honoring.

About the music, let’s just say today’s is Over the Hills and Far Away. Not to say musically it’s been a long time since anyone’s Rock And Rolled, but there haven’t been too many incidents of rocking (let alone rolling) lately. Nowadays, all it takes is the internet, some software and Going to California. What happened to the feeling? What happened to the passion? The lifestyle? THE ART???? Now it’s just see an internet video, write a song about it, go home, read, listen to sad music and cry yourself to sleep. You got emotional kids singing and crying. Dorks mathematically equating their compositions and drama wankers turned faux rockers strumming acoustic guitars set to beats made on Garage Band and singing their ways into 15 year old girls’ panties on myspace! That’s not Rock And Roll. Not even making music but downing a fifth of Jack every night and banging birds is more Rock And Roll than bloody Chemical Romance!

In our hey-day, we’d wake up and have vodka straight and get blow jobs for breakfast while blowing bloody rails off our instruments. When did Rock And Roll become a NINE TO FUCKING FIVE DAY JOB? Isn’t that why you become a musician? You go on stage so you don’t have to be in bed before midnight so you can wake up and be PRODUCTIVE the next day. You do it to get laid and do drugs legitimately! And of course, the art, but where’s the inspiration in a stable income and “normal” life?

Now, I don’t mean to sound like I’m in House of the Holy-ier than thou, but come on! Good Charlotte??? Even after we were Living Loving Maid, there was a time when if you wore make-up and tattoos, your music backed it up. It was a statement, it MEANT something. You can’t look like your music’s gonna mean something and then make music that’s the male equivalent to bubblegum Britney! Britney Spears, she’s out there living the ROCKSTAR LIFESTYLE! She may not be a true rocker, but she’s got more potential to put out something hardcore during this period in her life than JAMES BLUNT! JAMES BLUNT IS EASY LISTENING!!!! AMY WINEHOUSE IS BLOODY ROCK AND ROLL!!!!

What I’m trying to say here is this: Led Zeppelin may not be back with the same passion and energy we had when we were on three day coke and vodka binges and in and out of orgies, all while on a massive world tour. We’re no longer fighting the Battle of Evermore, but neither is hardly any other artist. Not to say this is Achillies Last Stand, there are a few Bringing it On Home and Bron-Y-Aur Stomping.

With the advent of this Interweb gadget, not only is music easier to produce and acquire for less money, but the lifestyles of those who make it are literally at every nerd’s fingertips. The Rock Way of Life that The Zep and our contemporaries worked so hard to glorify is being put to shame by judgemental bloggers and commentaries by people that spend all their time concerned with other people’s lives while barely living one of their own. Good Times, Bad Times, we’ve had our share, I guess I just have to Ramble On. Dancing Days are Here Again… aw that song sucked, so does music now… so yes, Dancing Days ARE Here Again. They must be…

Always Angry,

Jimmy Page