Hands down, here is the greatest sports rant of all time.  Dan LeBatard (of 790 The Ticket and ESPN) goes absolutely bonkers reporting the arrival of LeBron James to Miami.
For whatever it’s worth, I urinated all over myself listening to this in the car.
So did my dog.
Go Heat!
(Via The Dan LeBatard Show)

By Eddie “Cube” Rawls

Hello there my white brothers! If you’re Black, Jewish, Chinese, Irish, Injun, Mexican, ride in a wheelchair, or are anything not exactly lily-white, please, go anywhere you’d like on the internet. Just stay off this very private blog.
Now, you may not agree with the libertarian principles of Rand Paul, the Republican Senatorial candidate from Kentucky, but the strict adherence to his values is a necessary predicate to the furtherance of important national policy: smoking weed.

For people who still don’t believe that medical marijuana is …

By Eddie “Cube” Rawls

National Lampoon is pleased to provide the Federal Government BP with the following detailed and well-sourced plan on how to proceed during this unprecedented explosion: a way cooler explosion. “Oil spills make for strange bedfellows,” they say. NewsScientists report the best way to preserve the environment, is to nuke it. Never thought we’d see Al Gore and Rush Limbaugh getting busy beneath the sheets (although that is fucking hot).
How do I know this is a brilliant plan? The holy union of The Bomb and Mother Earth? Don’t …

By Eddie “Cube” Rawls

(Fort Lauderdale, Florida) I was glued to the premiere of Good Guys – the new hit series on FOX and reason my brother Timmy is alive and off life support now. I tell you this because the code of ethics governing the internet compels all writers to be honest, candid, and loyal to the reader. As such, what started as an article about a new show destined for greatness, has appropriately morphed into an exposé the likes of which no one has seen since …

My boss called me twisted and slurring his words from Martinis clearly blinding his reason at a Fort Lauderdale bar.  Told me to write something kind of longer than the tweets I normally do for Lampoon. That’s when I thought about Larry King’s cock.  And my boss.
Did I mention my boss likes raping dogs?  No?  He does.  But, I guess that’s not very relevant as I slave over the keyboard while he cavorts with probable minors and throws back booze on the company dime.
In case you’ve missed the news or …

One final push for the quiet dissenters of the upcoming Nazi takeover.  One last stand before destruction of humankind as we know it.  God Bless Everyone.
(Via BuzzFeed)

You’ve got to know when to hold ‘em.  Know when to fold ‘em.  Know when to walk away.  Know when to run because there’s grenades, armed gunmen, friggin’ rounds flying by like it’s ‘Nam (with Germans) and you’re in the shit and all you want is for this fat fuck to stop yapping so you can concentrate on trying to win some bread because it’s hard enough making a final table without a bunch of heavy shit going down and you better bolt before your cock gets blown off without …

Let me get right to the point:  Conservatives just don’t do well with comedy. Intrinsically, they are simply unfunny.  It’s been proven and stuff.  This is because… they suck the taint from the fringe of my balls I’m about to teabag them with.
I wasn’t looking for trouble.  Trouble came dunkng for me.
See, I’m addicted to this cyber-gadget I’ve written blogged about before.  Twitter.  Perhaps you’ve heard of this contraption.  I think it’s the offspring of an illegal iGay relationship between Jobs and Gates.  I dunno.
I dabble in politics.  Mostly, lately, …

Remember those excuses always neatly tucked in your back pocket to get out of a jam with Mommy?
First-term Rep. Eric Massa announced Wednesday that he will not seek reelection, saying his doctors have told him that he can’t continue to “run at 100 miles an hour.”
But several House aides told POLITICO that the House ethics committee has been informed of allegations that the New York Democrat, who is married with two children, made unwanted advances toward a junior male staffer.  [...]
Asked specifically about the sexual-harassment allegations, he said: “When someone …

Armageddon Alert:  Florida!