Dear Zaz,
I’m so confused… the me of twenty years ago wants to get hard but just got reminded that even cougars die of old age in the wild. Not to mention that twenty years ago I was only in the preliminary stages of achieving full erection.
Usually any nip slip, lip leak, panty flash – all wardrobe malfunctions excite me but this one is tricky. I still romanticize Suzanne Somers as herself from Three’s Company re-runs and even as a MILF in Step-By-Step EVEN THOUGH I SAW in the …

Dear Zaz,
Why do people own dogs? Why? I don’t get it? If you can barely take care of yourself, why would you take it upon yourself to involve another life in which they’re responsible? On top of that, what’s the point of having a living animal inside your civilized human living quarters? You’re just opening the doors to having something that can’t clean up after itself nor contribute anything leave its hair, slobber, poop and pee all over for YOU to clean up… Suppose you have boatloads of money from …

Shaq, ask my daughter how your ass tastes…
Dear Zaz,
Shaq thinks I ruined his marriage? I was accused of rape cousin, bought my wife a $2 million dollar ring and we all good. Maybe if he

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid285859616/bclid294430730/bctid1624415603

Representing, Motherfuckers!
Dear Zaz,
I write to you from beyond the grave to share a very important message with a trifling ass bitch: Fuck Carlos Mencia, he single handedly killed hip-hop comedy. You can’t do that man! I know I’m old enough for

Bitch under the keyboard is drinking my piss, son! She’s not old enough to drive!
Dear ZazReport dot COM,
For a moment there I thought it was ACCEPTABLE to use a 14 YEAR OLD GIRL as a pee-pee toilet. Wait. That IS okay? I can videotape it too? It’s encouraged? You mean I’m allowed to fill my bathroom with pubescent girls to use as PISS RECEPTACLES

 Mirror Mirror on the wall, at least we’ve still got each other…
 
Dear Zaz,
 
Like, what happened? HELLO!!! What about Paris? Paris is still the hottest. Paris never had kids when all these other Hollywood C-words did, ughck. Love you Nicki!!!! J/K LOL. Paris never went to a psych ward or recovery program, right Brit? Paris went to jail because like, I’m just hardcore and stuff.
 
Yet Paris faded into obscurity like Boner from Growing Pains. Listen, Paris  is 85% of a Hollywood power couple. Paris came out with MY clothing line. …

Dear Zaz,
Name the 5 boroughs? White Plains ain’t a borough. Eyyy, Timmy, Frankie, Joey, Chazzy, this Zaz Report can’t even name the five boroughs, ayyyyyyy. Anywho, our fair town of the NYC is gettin it’s comeuppance now that they’s gonna have that show Ugly Betty in production here. Like we need anymore UGLY BROADS ova here!!! HEY-OH!!! But seriously, I bet Ugly Betty nor none of them cast membas eva had a garbage pie. I bet they neva had a knish or a hawt dawg!!! Fuck this!!! You know …

Dear Zaz,
I can do anything better than you and my big sis Jes!

Dear Zaz,
I’m not sure if anyone noticed during my time in the Austin Powers movies, but… I’m a CIRCUS FREAK. Writing ALL CAPS in size 16 font makes the letters taller than me!

Dear Zaz,
You’re Welcome. Was anyone going to officially thank me? I just found out today that the MUSTACHE is back in style. Well, guess who made the mustache an icon?