Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 8
by andybeckerman
Another week of TV, another week where I haven’t decided to check out of this hotel we call existence, the spunk-stained blanket of life covering up my frail body as I flip from one channel to the next praying for deliverance. The movie. I’m praying for the film to be on TBS or something. And then there’s Drake, implacable in his eternal sunniness, the yin to my yang, the black sperm looking thing with a white dot to my white sperm looking thing with a black dot, the murder victim to my professional killer. Let’s see what we have to see! Why not?
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Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 7
by andybeckerman
Well, the hoily-days is over, as soon will be our long national nightmare. I’m talking about the break between the end of the fall season and the beginning of the winter one! What did you think I was talking about? Anyway, Drake is fresh back from getting a ton of presents for Christmas, while I mostly got batteries and napkins for my second-rate Jew Days. Miracle of Lights, my ass. Actually, I have no idea if Drake is Christian or not, but he doesn’t know Yiddish, so he ain’t no Chosen. Go back to Gaza, loser! (so that I can murder you with impunity). Hey, Television!:
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Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 6
by andybeckerman
Well, folks, sweeps is over, and what do we have to show for it except the end of a great basic cable show (The Shield), the cancellation of a great network show (Pushing Daisies), and the cancellation of a ton of shitty, tepid slices of cat crap (too numerous to mention). But what did Drake and I decide to talk about this week mostly? Shows for old people. People way older than either of us, and I’m in my late 20s and Drake is…I have no idea. How old are you anyway, pal? Let me into your life. Please don’t keep me at a distance. Oh god, why does everyone leave me?
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Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 5
by andybeckerman
Jesus, this is a bit late again. Well, sue me. I dare you to. Go ahead. Find a lawyer, put a fat freaking check in his hand, and sue me for all I’m worth. WHICH IS NOTHING. I have no savings, no property, whatever small amount of stocks I had is now about as financially sound as the US auto industry. So go ahead. Sue me for posting this late, and let’s see what happens. Oh, you’ll garnish my wages? Fine. It’s not like I can buy anything anyway with the meager sum I earn, so go nuts. All I have are my TV and Drake’s delightful conversation. And after he dies in a freak accident a few weeks from now, I won’t even have that. Sigh.
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Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 4
by andybeckerman
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, here’s what happened. We had this conversation last week, the previous week, see, and I was supposed to put it together, and see, I got my face ripped of in an uncalculated accident at a skeleton brothel. It was impossible to know that ribs are laser sharp. I’ve only ever seen skeletons in cartoons on TV. Regardless, I work a shitty temp job that saps my ability to live. Oh god, why can’t I have my face really ripped off by a sexual skeleton in order to end my enduring Earthly torment? Drake, help me, please, I’m fucking dying. Oh god, help me.
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Drake and Andy Go to the TVs week 3
by andybeckerman
Ah, another week of TV come and gone, and what do Drake and I have to show for it except the emptiness of our lives magnified to the size of giant dinosaurs and put on display for all the world to see. Marvel at the shells we have become! Eat the cancerous nothingness that gnaws at our very beings! Grow obese snacking on our self-loathing like crackers smeared with chocolate-flavored hatred! But first, read what we had to say about some shows we watched…
Read the rest of this entry »
Written by andybeckerman in TV, Uncategorized
Another week of TV, another week where I haven’t decided to check out of this hotel we call existence, the spunk-stained blanket of life covering up my frail body as I flip from one channel to the next praying for deliverance. The movie. I’m praying for the film to be on TBS or something. And then there’s Drake, implacable in his eternal sunniness, the yin to my yang, the black sperm looking thing with a white dot to my white sperm looking thing with a black dot, the murder victim to my professional killer. Let’s see what we have to see! Why not?
Read the rest of this entry »
Written by andybeckerman in TV, articles
Well, the hoily-days is over, as soon will be our long national nightmare. I’m talking about the break between the end of the fall season and the beginning of the winter one! What did you think I was talking about? Anyway, Drake is fresh back from getting a ton of presents for Christmas, while I mostly got batteries and napkins for my second-rate Jew Days. Miracle of Lights, my ass. Actually, I have no idea if Drake is Christian or not, but he doesn’t know Yiddish, so he ain’t no Chosen. Go back to Gaza, loser! (so that I can murder you with impunity). Hey, Television!:
Read the rest of this entry »
Written by andybeckerman in TV, articles
Well, folks, sweeps is over, and what do we have to show for it except the end of a great basic cable show (The Shield), the cancellation of a great network show (Pushing Daisies), and the cancellation of a ton of shitty, tepid slices of cat crap (too numerous to mention). But what did Drake and I decide to talk about this week mostly? Shows for old people. People way older than either of us, and I’m in my late 20s and Drake is…I have no idea. How old are you anyway, pal? Let me into your life. Please don’t keep me at a distance. Oh god, why does everyone leave me?
Read the rest of this entry »
Written by andybeckerman in TV, articles
Jesus, this is a bit late again. Well, sue me. I dare you to. Go ahead. Find a lawyer, put a fat freaking check in his hand, and sue me for all I’m worth. WHICH IS NOTHING. I have no savings, no property, whatever small amount of stocks I had is now about as financially sound as the US auto industry. So go ahead. Sue me for posting this late, and let’s see what happens. Oh, you’ll garnish my wages? Fine. It’s not like I can buy anything anyway with the meager sum I earn, so go nuts. All I have are my TV and Drake’s delightful conversation. And after he dies in a freak accident a few weeks from now, I won’t even have that. Sigh.
Read the rest of this entry »
Written by andybeckerman in TV, articles
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeel, here’s what happened. We had this conversation last week, the previous week, see, and I was supposed to put it together, and see, I got my face ripped of in an uncalculated accident at a skeleton brothel. It was impossible to know that ribs are laser sharp. I’ve only ever seen skeletons in cartoons on TV. Regardless, I work a shitty temp job that saps my ability to live. Oh god, why can’t I have my face really ripped off by a sexual skeleton in order to end my enduring Earthly torment? Drake, help me, please, I’m fucking dying. Oh god, help me.
Read the rest of this entry »
Written by andybeckerman in articles
Ah, another week of TV come and gone, and what do Drake and I have to show for it except the emptiness of our lives magnified to the size of giant dinosaurs and put on display for all the world to see. Marvel at the shells we have become! Eat the cancerous nothingness that gnaws at our very beings! Grow obese snacking on our self-loathing like crackers smeared with chocolate-flavored hatred! But first, read what we had to say about some shows we watched…
Read the rest of this entry »
SPORTS
GAMING
MOVIES
