With all this talk of people upstaging adorable songwriting country stars (Hi Taylor), I feel like some things  may have fallen through the cracks. And by things, I mean…what the fuck is on Kayne’s head? Is anybody else seeing some sort of complex puzzle or maze? I feel like if you watched the VMAs stoned, you might just get lost for hours. His stylist probably moonlights as the guy who makes those paper place mats for TGI Fridays. Check out the up close photo from Perez and the following photo for an even more inexplicable side view:

Other possible expanations:

They’re crop circles made by a tiny, very douchey spacecraft.

The symbols are actually a major plot point in the next Dan Brown novel.

Kayne knew his parents told him not to, but he wanted his hair to look just like Cool Doctor Money.

He wanted blind people to be able to feel his head and know that he’s a giant tool. Kinda like douche Braille.

I could go on and on. (And sidenote, kudos to anybody who still remember’s Cool Doctor Money.)

Here’s a music video where Felicia Day dances around in a sexy roleplaying outfit. You’re welcome.

Seriously though, it’s really quite funny…if only for the tank and spank line. Kudos to the guys from The Guild.

Dearest Roseanne,

I am writing to inform you that we will not be addressing the following pictures, published in Heeb magazine’s Germany issue, where you are clearly dressed up as Hitler. Nor will we be commenting on the fact that you have decided to both bake and consume “Jew Cookies.” I just thought that you should know.

I can understand how one would might think this was ripe comedy fodder and I am glad to see that you’ve gotten in a World War II joke while it was still pertinent and topical. However, upon further inspection, it occurred to me that you might simply be doing this for the publicity. That is something of which I simply cannot be a part.

It was brought to my attention by one of my staffers that you have not had much going on career-wise lately. (What have you been up to? I feel like we never talk anymore.) I am saddened that this is the case. I know that many of us have been at a point in our lives when we think “well my schedule’s pretty open, why not don a Hilter costume and dance around a bit?” Unfortunately, in this case I feel it may not have had the intended effect. Take for example this photo, where Heeb Magazine states you have transformed into “Domestic Goddess Hitler.”

You went with Domestic Goddess Hitler, as opposed to Baseball Hitler or Scuba Diver Hitler (or Velociraptor Hitler, the most dangerous Hitler of them all). Clearly this was a wise choice. Still, looking at this photo I can’t help but think: Lady, you look old. And tired. You look so old and tired that I’m looking at a photo of you dressed as Lady Hitler, eating scorched Jew Cookies, and I’m still thinking about the fact that you look old and tired. It is my opinion that, as these photos circulate in the general public, you may find that they view you in a less than positive light.

I have always counted myself a fan, nay a friend, and for that reason I won’t let myself be a part of this. I cannot give these photographs (and the corresponding article) the full weight of the National Lampoon and ZAZ Report publishing. With great power comes great responsibility, Roseanne. Until today those were just words.

Instead I will be posting a series of adorable, public domain kitten photographs to follow.

Note: These are kittens NOT Nazis.

These kittens don't have an opinion one way or the other about the Rhineland.

"Yay! America!"

As always, yours,

Drake Miller

A recent German Sprite Commercial was banned for being a bit too…refreshing? Also the sex stuff may have been a problem.

It’s possible this could be unsafe for work if your boss was, say, born without a sense of humor. Just a heads up.

So do you feel like buying a Sprite now? No? Just confused and aroused? I get that. Read More

Here’s a clip from local Philadelphia news where some poor reporter tried to get a legitimate interview with the cast of It’s Always Sunny. Danny Devito’s officially in the running for classiest dude on the planet. I laughed my ass off.

Which reminds me…This seems as good a time as any to show Devito’s spot on the view again. It’s not exactly news, but I don’t see any reason why not.

Maybe this was what they had in mind all along, but could anybody else really go for a Limoncello right now? Say what you want about lemon liquors; this shit works.

Attack of the Show takes their back and forth with Susan Sarandon to the next level, with the sweet sweet seduction of Kevin Pereira. Whoa. Did that sound really gay? It should.