The prodigal doctor returns this week with the beginning of a new age… or an old one… or something like that. Dr. J. Holbrook has managed to conquer time travel! This is the first successful attempt since Christopher Lloyd and Michael J. Fox. This edition’s question is not reader-submitted.

Questions: What are the effects of time travel? Can they be deadly?

Dr. J. Holbrook is back with a special edition of Ask a FAKE Doctor this week. Fresh from going deep undercover into the mysterious, I will answer a particular question that has been plaguing your minds since you were children.

Question: Is it possible to transfer one’s soul into the body of a doll similar to the movie Child’s Play?

Here’s an interesting headline: Jennifer Grey wins the hit show Dancing with the Stars‘ eleventh season last night. For those of you that do not who this person is, she starred opposite of Matthew Broderick in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Broderick’s annoying sister also worked with Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing, which obviously is a dancing movie. It’s a little dirty in my opinion but still better than High School Musical.

Lately, a lot of heat has been shooting around the National Football League regarding illegal hits. Illegal hits are causing defensive players to cut down how aggressively they play the game in fear of being fined or suspended by the league. The most common of these illegal hits are those involving helmet to helmet contact. I am going to discuss five ways in order to limit these devastating, and incredibly awesome, hits.

Fifty-years-old is quite the milestone when it comes to birthdays. Just ask Jean Claude Van Damme. He recently turned fifty and decided to celebrate with . . . a heart attack! Supposedly. Van Damme claims that it did not happen, but wouldn’t you if you had kicked Dolph Lundgren’s ass at one point? Talk about risking sudden death! Sorry. I had to.

Brett Favre set three NFL milestone records during a Monday Night Football loss to the Rex Ryan coached New York Jets this week. What does this mean? Win or lose, it’s STILL always about those Wrangler men.

After weeks of anticipation on your end, I am finally ready to present the fourth and final AAFD: Plague Series article. This one is truly the worst by all means. The most frightening thing about it is that it is going on right now, and it is indestructible while showing no signs of a possible end. To discuss this nightmare with me is, once again, Dr. T. Flamerson, expert in the field of the duck face.

Holbrook: Dr. Flamerson, how would you define the Duck Face Plague?

This is the second segment of this series, which defines terrible, tragic, and fantastically hilarious ways for people to meet their demise. You may laugh and cry while reading through this countdown, but I promise that both will be worth the read.

Recently, there has been some extreme fear spread across the ears of our children and our country. In this edition of Ask a FAKE Doctor, I will lay this fear to peaceful sleep. It is time that I, Dr. J. Holbrook, provided you all with the truth.

Question: Dr. Holbrook, I have been seeing all over the TV that bed bugs are hazardous and on the rise. Is it true that I may be at risk as I sleep? (Submitted by Jessi L.)

What do you think of when you hear the words “Devil” and “lake?” It is a rare combination, but it seems for a smaller town in North Dakota, fate has chosen Satan’s pisser. Devils Lake, North Dakota plays home to one of two significant closed-basin lakes in the United States. This one is indeed acting Hellish recently, for it has been flooding and condemning homes in the community. Where is Noah’s Ark when you need it?