As a married man, I’ve acquired a lot of wisdom about maintaining a good relationship with the opposite sex. Of these indispensable morsels, picking the right rom com is of the highest importance. As much as you wish it weren’t so, you’re going to have to watch them.  So you might as well learn how to pick the right ones. This week, I made an egregious error and added the abysmal “Made of Honor” to our Queue because we hadn’t watched a chick flick in awhile and I was attempting to be proactive. Big mistake.

Honestly, I can’t overstate how intolerable this movie was. But in an attempt to wring some redeeming value out of it, I have 5 of the lessons I learned watching this movie:

1. Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky were the most popular Halloween costumes of 1998. So much so that you can base your entire backstory on this fact and assume it will connect with your audience. Every writer knows that nothing appeals to the rom com crowd like cheap BJ jokes that were stale even in the era in which they were suppoed to take place. Read More

I’ve heard endless complaints from movie-goers about the dearth of remakes and unoriginal material that Hollywood continues to churn out like a giant assembly line of suck so prolific, Henry Ford himself would be proud. Heck, even I complain about it on occasion. But it’s screenplays like this one for Asylum (Superman v. Batman) that take it to the next level. Not only does it tarnish two legendary American icons, it would murder their movie franchises if it were ever released. After reading it, I immediately wanted to greenlight another Indiana Jones movie or horror remake. In fact if I were a producer, I would start production on the next thing I read, even if its just an intra-office memo… which is exactly how Max Payne got made.

An excerpt after the jump. Read More

It’s quite simple, according to their official website, Norway’s a-ha has done it all:

As friends, musicians, stars and human beings, a-ha have in the course of time accomplished almost everything…

And this video is the proof:
Why is it proof? I honestly believe the band made this video themselves as part of a-ha’s plan to re-establish themself as a musical powerhouse for a new generation. “Let’s go viral and be ironic! The kids will love it.”

Since its creation in the 50’s, Colonel Sanders’ 11 herbs and spices has become the Holy Grail for fast food franchise recipes. Most restaurant chains and soft drink companies have some sort of “secret”, but none are quite as mythical as the KFC’s chicken seasoning. This week to ensure the recipe’s safety, the company is upgrading security for their prized possession (apparently the National Recipe Theft Threat Level was raised from Grizzle to Chum). The uber-secret is being removed from KFC’s offices and transported to an undisclosed location with more security than a foreign dignitary travelling with a federally protected witness.

So what exactly are the herbs and spices that shaped fried chicken in the USA? Here’s my guess:

Celery Salt
Black Cumin
Sage
Black Pepper
Rosemary
Thyme
Bay Leaf
Moonshine
Blended Bowtie pieces
Cannibis
Granulated slave corpses

Forget Fantasy Football, the gambling odds for Dancing with the Stars are up! If there’s anything great about the online sportsbook era, it’s the ability to gamble on entertainment and pop culture related nonsense. Anyway, you can view the lines at BetUS.com, but I have the full chart and other odds after the jump. Read More

Remember Vin Diesel? He’s like Jason Statham without the accent. He’s also a great break dancer, which I imagine Statham is not. Anyway, this movie looks very bad. Wasn’t Vin Diesel headed for action super-stardom not too long ago? I’ll never forget that Spielberg hand picked him for Saving Private Ryan. Honestly, this just be called Transporter 3: Transport with a Vengeance in the Future. Speaking of the Transporter 3…

I hardly think a re-release of Crank for its 2nd anniversary is necessary. It’s not like it was that great of a movie and it hardly earned cult classic status. Wait. What’s that? This is actually a new movie that’s a third chapter in the ever-so-engrossing Transporter saga. I had no idea. I think even Jason Statham is confused. He’s destined to be the first film star to cross-over two of his own franchises. If you can call them franchises. They’re franchises like a shanty town is a gated community.