Dear world, I have a favor to ask. When I die could someone please make sure that the LA County Coroner who examined the body of Brittany Murphy composes an autopsy report for me as well? As a matter of fact, I wouldn’t mind him touching up my resume while he’s at it. Looking to tweak that 2-week stint cleaning toilets at Arbys when I was 15 in to some “Executive Sales Experience.”
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In the most annoying sensation to hit Facebook since those Farmville updates began crowding your homepage, people all across America have replaced their profile pictures with that of their celebrity doppelgängers (or celebrity look-a-likes for those of you who did not study four years of German at the University of Düsseldorf.)

You see, it’s not the idea of doppelgänger profile pictures that annoys me, but the practice. Allow me to explain.

I go on Facebook for one reason and one reason only: to stalk hot women. Now I am incapable of seeing how hot these women actually are now that their profile picture has been replaced by Megan Fox or Zooey Deschanel. And I’m a little ticked off at the very vain ugly people putting extremely attractive people as their doppelgängers. Really, you think you look like Penelope Cruz? Buddy, you really think you look like that shirtless Amerindian from Twilight? Really?

But I am a slave to pop culture zeitgeists, and decided to discover my own celebrity doppelgänger. I plugged my photograph into a program on MyHeritage.com, and was quite surprised at the outcome.

For those of you wondering, yes, I am a white man.

But is this fascination with celebrity doppelgängers exclusive only to non-famous folk? Could I go onto Nick Nolte’s Facebook page and find his profile picture replaced with that of Gary Busey? What about Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman? Natalie Portman and Keira Knightley? Javier Bardem and Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Amy Adams and Isla Fisher? Johnny Depp and Skeet Ulrich? Paul McCartney and Angela Lansbury?!

But like all internet sensations, this one may disappear faster than a panda sneezing. So let us enjoy the minor pleasures, like the girl who mistakenly believes she looks like Halle Berry, or the dude that looks suspiciously like Quentin Tarantino, or the relative of mine who asks if I’ve recently been tanning.

Rip Torn, most recently famous for playing the crazy old man in Dodgeball, proved he really wasn’t so great an actor when the actually crazy old man tried to rob a bank.

Yes. You read that correctly. Rip Torn, the actor with the greatest name of all time, was arrested for trying to break into a bank. His subsequent mugshot was glorious, and seemed to state: Oh fuck shit.

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It was annouced this morning that the ABC comedy ‘Ugly Betty’ would be cancelled this season, with enough time for a series wrap-up this spring. The cast and crew were informed this morning. Its been rumored the cast has just been getting too good looking for anyone who previously enjoyed the off-beat show, to care anymore. I mean, if having glasses on an otherwise very pretty character makes you ugly, good lord. Most of us are down-right disgusting.

See the rest of the story from AOL here:

Well folks, it is what it is. And THIS…..is an improvised interview with the hilarious Will Arnett, co-star on WHEN IN ROME (Opening January 29th!). Topics of note include: dicks, hipsters, new york, improv, scrabble, creep, creepster, friendship, trust, dr. shoals gellin, and weird handshakes. Please enjoy! P.S. Special Surprise Ending!!!!

A woman ate shit on Picasso’s rare painting “The Actor” at the Metropolitan Museum of Art last week, causing 6 inches of the canvas to tear. While the fall did not entirely destroy the painting, the woman was shunned accordingly from her adult art class and a restraining order has been issued due to her “balancing troubles”.

In preparation for Picasso’s showcase this spring, 3-year old Molly Phillips will repair “The Actor”. She is known for her exquisite finger painting skills and incredibly modern approach to fine art. The Met has also chosen young Molly due to her resemblance to Picasso’s cubism period.

“My mommy says I’m the best,” says Phillips.

Molly has requested to be paid an undisclosed amount of
Zhu Zhu Pets for her effort towards fixing the painting.

The Met’s restoration team agreed that this would be a fresh, groundbreaking approach for repairing works of art whenever another douche falls on a century old masterpiece.