Now, as a new section on our site, here’s this week’s:
Words of Wisdom (w/ Gerard Depardieu):
“Before killing something, I always talk to it. An animal that’s been caressed before it’s killed dies peacefully, and its muscles don’t contract with adrenalin… If an animal is slaughtered in a stress-free way, it tastes better.”
[Depardieu then turned around and knocked a man over with his boom-like nose.]
WENN Headline of the Week (so far):
“Co-host Wants Jackman to Dance on TV”
(This was a close tie with the WENN headline, “Page Tapped for Lesbian Role”. Also, in reference to a story about Harry Shearer once stealing the Simpsons’ Emmy for Best Animation, WENN wrote: “he took swiped the gong”.)
Also, in more press-stopping news, former female, WWF pro-wrestler, Chyna, was hospitalized recently after, quote, “a dangerous birthday binge drinking session”. Chyna told TMZ.com: “All I really want right now is a hamburger and fries right now.” (No word yet on whether there was a typo in the report or if Chyna actually said “right now” twice during the sentence.)
The new film “Marley & Me” is sweeping through the box-office like a hurricane; and, in order to capitalize on that, producers have started a huge merchandising campaign. Viewers can now purchase a limited edition, “Marley & Me” golden retriever with the film’s name branded onto his side. [Just send three easy low payments of $59.99 to “Puppy in Package”, courtesy of 1428 N. Elm Street, Italy, Europe.]
I set a goal for my post this week. Here it is:
TRY NOT TO MENTION ALL THE PEOPLE DYING.
I think it’s a good goal (be they military, civilian or celebrity child) and I’m going to attempt to avoid the topic all together. Instead, I choose, rather, to focus on the fact that, for the first time in history, 1 in every 100 American citizens is serving time in prison. So, let’s keep it up, America - when the prison ratio hits 50-50 we all get a free crowbar!
READ ON for more about: Tom Cruise saying WACKY things, the New York Post interviewing Richard Belzer, how ONLY 8,000 people ever tried to eat a 72 ounce steak, a Magazine full of Shit-Heads, Spider-Man: The Musical, the new Oldest Woman in the World, Sweden’s GOOFY sexual habits and special things As-Seen-On-TV!
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