It was annouced this morning that the ABC comedy ‘Ugly Betty’ would be cancelled this season, with enough time for a series wrap-up this spring. The cast and crew were informed this morning. Its been rumored the cast has just been getting too good looking for anyone who previously enjoyed the off-beat show, to care anymore. I mean, if having glasses on an otherwise very pretty character makes you ugly, good lord. Most of us are down-right disgusting.

See the rest of the story from AOL here:

[In the grand tradition of "Dear Abby", National Lampoon presents "Letters to a Tack". Send your queries, questions and problems to feralcomedy@gmail.com and you could have your letter up on the National Lampoon website!]

Dear Travis,

I have a situation that’s been plaguing me for several years. I seem to be having difficulty maintaining a successful relationship for almost half a decade. My last relationship (five years) ended due to the fact that the girl was mentally unbalanced. I know many people say that about their ex’s, but mine really was. She was on tons of medication, institutionalized, etc. I was good to her and stayed with her during the tough time, even though I was not always happy. I think I finally pushed her away because I was unhappy and she needed more help than I could give her.

Since then, I have had three relationships which have last barely three months. Don’t get me wrong, I have not been lacking in sexual activity, but I always do so in hopes that it becomes something more. I wish I would be one of those people who are satisfied with one night stands or short sexual relationships, but I am not. I am a hopeless romantic.

The main issue is that when someone begins showing real interest in me, and wants to becomes serious, I lose all interest. On the other hand, if a woman is not into me from the beginning, or really interested in them. Do I just enjoy sabotaging myself romantically or what? What can I do to find happiness in a serious relationship?

Eager for any advice,

Loser in Love

Dear Loser in Love,

“Loser” is right – Jesus! Write a fucking book, why don’t ya?

You want a relationship but the moment a girl likes you, you no longer want to date her. Well, welcome to being a man; fix your penis on tighter and get a grip of yourself, man. It’s all gonna be OK.

It’s good to know your life isn’t lacking sexual activity. Are we talking like, a couple women? Or, like, your penis is constantly wet? Either way, good job getting all that pussy I don’t believe really exists. Nice one.

So your last girlfriend was crazy – it happens to the best of us. We’ve all had our fair share of bunny-boilers. I dated a chick that liked “Will & Grace”, I think it’s safe to assume I’ve had some nutty girlfriends.

It sounds like you probably are sabotaging your relationships, but only because you wrote that. If that’s what you think you’re doing, it’s probably true. But it’s not necessarily your fault. Your last relationship probably left you a little scarred. I once spent a year inside a studio apartment because of a break-up. It didn’t help (I’m not sure I ever ditched all the leftover crazy I stock-piled during those twelve months). The only way to fix the problem is to jump back into the dating pool. You just have to get back on the horse and ride; or, let the horse ride you (since the horse is a chick in this scenario).

It sounds like you’re on the right path. Three months is a pretty normal length for a relationship. After three months, you should be able to tell if the two of you work together well. Unfortunately, not every girl is going to be dating material. Finding someone worth staying with is a hard thing to do. Sometimes these things only appear when you’re not looking for them. Maybe trying to find a girl you want to have sex with and date is stopping you from just meeting a nice girl.

Or maybe you’re just a spazz. Who knows?

I’ve never even met you, man. You could be a serial killer for all I know. Just don’t murder any of these women and you’ll be all right.

Sincerely,

Travis Tack

Well folks, it is what it is. And THIS…..is an improvised interview with the hilarious Will Arnett, co-star on WHEN IN ROME (Opening January 29th!). Topics of note include: dicks, hipsters, new york, improv, scrabble, creep, creepster, friendship, trust, dr. shoals gellin, and weird handshakes. Please enjoy! P.S. Special Surprise Ending!!!!

They’re taking bet in Vegas on the Obama Union address. There were odds placed on what color his tie would be. If people are betting on this, I should get in on the action, make Daddy some moolah; ‘cus I called Obama before the primaries. And, after tonight, I’m sticking with my team.

“From time to time, the President shall give to Congress information about the state of our union”. Not his words, but he rocked the script. He’s got the moves down. He’s like a young Franklin Delano Kennedy, this one. Am I right?

It was beautiful.

The networks are set; the house is packed. It’s gonna be a big night.

ROUND ONE:

The bell rings. Obama’s philosophically boxing with half the audience. He wants their approval and they don’t want to give it to him. Obama starts off heavy, double jab, “It’s tempting to look back on these moments and assume that our progress was inevitable….” – HE WINDS UP – “But when the Union was turned back at Bull Run” –LEFT JAB – “when allies first landed at Omaha beach” – ANOTHER JAB – “victory was very much in doubt” – BIG RIGHT HAND.

Now he’s got ‘em on the ropes, they bounce back and it was like a Tyson knockout, the hand goes back, they’re bouncing right into it, “Again we are tested, again we must answer History’s call”.

BOOM – it starting to look like that’ll end it all folks; people are on the sideline scream “Frazier’s going down, Frazier’s going down”.

BUT NO - the republicans are sticking with it – they’re getting back up, there’s not even time for a count. These boys are in it for the long haul. They’re gritty, they’re fighters. They’re John Henry – fighting the machine. They’re driving the piles deep, gritting the teeth, digging in and sticking to their gun.

Somehow, these old juggernauts can’t be moved.

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My fellow real Americans,

You are cordially invited to join us tonight at 9:00 PM (E.S.T.) to analyze the subtle nuances of politics as President Obama delivers The State of the Union.

As a society, we can always move forward.  Have hope.  Accomplish our wildest dreams even! 

In the spirit of ongoing cooperation and harmony with those who might have opposing viewpoints, I extend my personal warm wishes to you!  And really, I welcome all those who embrace a metaphor for hairy testicle-swallowing as means for reasonable discourse.

See you at nine bitches.

Jay Leno rules late night. He’s not the funniest. (or funny at all in my humble opinion) He’s not the brightest. His voice sounds like tribbles copulating in a gunny sack, and he’s weird-looking to boot. Yet somehow, he’s managed to oust both Letterman and O’Brien from the halls of NBC. How does he do it?

Old People.

You might think that Leno attracts old people because his humor is edgeless and about as subversive as an episode of Leave it to Beaver.  There’s more to it than that. It’s the way television has changed and old people have not.

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