As National Lampoon’s chief assistant junior fashion reporter, I am pleased to announce the top costumes for the 2009 Halloween season. Recommended here are the finest choices in costumes for the couple that wants to show off their joint topicality.

Jon and Kate:

For the “Kate”, buy a mullet wig and put it on backwards to recreate her classic bangs. Wear high heels constantly, and complain about having to run after the kids. Shriek like a banshee at everyone you meet.

For the “Jon”, wear Ed Hardy shirts and leave your date at the first sign of a hotter woman.

Hannity and Colmes:

My life certainly hasn’t been complete since this self centered, idiotic, Fox News duo split in January. You can make me whole again by Trick-or-Treating as this pair. And Hannity and Colmes is a perfect costume set for gay couples. The more hot-headed, loud mouthed, aggressive of the two is Hannity. And Colmes is the bitch.

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As National Lampoon’s chief junior fashion reporter, I am pleased to announce the top costumes for the 2009 Halloween season. Recommended here are the finest choices in costumes for the man that wants to show off his topicality.

Don Draper:

As season three of Mad Men winds down, any man can throw on a suit and a thin tie and become Don Draper. Except you’ll look nowhere near as good, probably can’t drink as much scotch as him, and will lack the ability to make women orgasm by glancing at them. You will, however, instantly feel cooler, look awesome smoking the four and a half packs of cigarettes necessary for the evening, and increase your chances of cheating on your wife.

Barack Obama:

Be America’s favorite current president for Halloween! Optional styles include: secret Muslim Obama, Messiah Obama, Socialist Obama, and Kenyan baby Obama.

This costume is not recommended if you are white. Except … is it still considered black face if Obama is half white? Cause technically, that means all the black people going as him are doing white face then. And that is extremely offensive to me.

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His name is Rolland Dangerfield. Send him some comedy love.

www.facebook.com/rollanddangerfield

Huge Meteorite Crater Deemed a Hoax

Some Latvian phone company dug a hole in the ground and pretended it was a meteor strike for the publicity. Rumor is, during a Q and A with the press, one of the phone workers started barfing everywhere. It was awful. Something about too much pressure, it being for a show, blah blah blah.

The Weather Channel has announced that it will start showing movies. That’s right, movies. I thought it was bad enough when MTV stopped playing music or when Cartoon Network started showing live action or when BET had a white person on, but this is pretty awful.

When do you watch The Weather Channel? Either right before leaving the house to decide whether to wear a jacket, or in the case of an emergency and you want to know if you are going to die from a tornado or hurricane. Which is why I look forward to turning to The Weather Channel in a moment of desperation to find Deep Blue Sea playing.

The films chosen are supposedly weather-centric (such as The Perfect Storm) but some of their choices are a bit harder to pin down, such as March of the Penguins and Misery, which I suppose both feature weather in that they both occurred on the planet earth. I just pray that they begin airing Step Up 2 The Streets, since the dramatic final showdown is in the rain.

But let’s be serious. People have been pleading for years for The Weather Channel to begin showing movies. It’s not like you can watch them on any other channel. So, dammit, they are finally giving the people what they want: highly censored B-movies.

Additionally, The Weather Channel has promised to continue their weather updates every ten minutes. Which means the terrible movies will be interrupted every ten minutes. I imagine that would be quite disruptive when I’m trying to enjoy the acting abilities of Christian Slater in Hard Rain.

The Weather Channel was recently purchased by NBC Universal - the kings of good decision making. NBC Universal’s history of wise decisions include canceling Southland, greenlighting Joey, and putting Jay Leno on the air in primetime every day of the mother fucking week. So, their leadership is clearly leading The Weather Channel in the right direction.

Who knew Deep Fried Butter was the key to sweet moves?