With all the buzz about upcoming books and interviews covering the inside tee-ball game played during the McCain/Palin failed campaign last year, one can really hear the differences above in Sarah Palin’s own words.
Nothing too shocking really.
***
Meet me live for a panel discussion on politics and humor! Tomorrow, 12:00PM at The Marriott Marquee In Times Square, NYC. You can either get tickets across the street at TwoFers (Spelling? Sorry. I really should be more careful) or… Feel free to tweet me for free tickets!
Obama Hates Lost Fans
by ThaneEconomou
The Washington Post is reporting that Barack Obama plans to push back his State of the Union address to February 2nd. This is the same night as the season premiere of the sixth, and final, season of Lost. And while White House sources claim Obama will push back the primetime speech in order to pass Health Care legislation first, one wonders if more sinister reasons are to blame.
My anger at the President caused me to attend a Tea Party rally. There I discovered many Lost fans with theories on why Obama hates the awesome show. The best explanation: Obama is freaked out by the multitudes of similarities between his life and the hit ABC show.
OPENING ARGUMENTS IN THE CASE OF THE PEOPLE VS. FULL HOUSE
by Adam PacMan Taylor
At the risk of making a statement that evokes nothing but a collective “no shit” from its audience:
ABC’s “Full House” was gay.
No offense to the homosexual community but you guys lost the word “gay” a long time ago. Just like my grandmother lost it in 1950 and my niece is most likely going to lose it again by 2050. Not sure what it will mean tomorrow (perhaps cold?) but as of January 6, 2010 it means retarded. (No offense to the retard community but you guys lost the word “retarded” a long time ago.)
Alfred Hightower was on the run. He was wanted on several accounts of drug dealing and had been hiding for quite some time. He ran from his home in Indiana and was believed to be somewhere in Canada. Hightower had just one more weakness other than avoiding the law…he was Rastlynn of Azeroth from the online game World of Warcraft. Yes, that’s right…he’s the lamest criminal ever.
After issuing a subpoena to Blizzard Entertainment, they gave the police Hightower’s IP Address and located him almost immediately in Ottawa, Canada. If only Hightower wasn’t so busy questing and just used his locking spells correctly, he could’ve diverted from this burning legion. Alas, he was defeated.
WOW has been awarded an honorary badge to can criminals at their most vulnerable…while working on their realm statuses or “melting faces”.
This may not be the first time a criminal has been caught through the gaming world…
Alfred Hightower…you just got pwned!
No Fatties for Beautifulpeople.com
by Marykate Linehan
5, 000 members of a popular dating website Beautifulpeople.com have been banished due to their apparent weight gain over the holidays. Site Fuhrer, Robert Hintze will not tolerate fatties within his dating network but promises to continue accepting skinny date rapists.
He addressed his Reich of beauty by saying “As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.” What a guy.
Each member dismissed received emails suggesting they re-apply when they’re not so fat or ugly with additional resources on which weight loss programs they could do.
Congratulations to all those who made the Nazi…I mean Aryan… I mean pathetic exclusive dating website cut.
Thanks for starting off the New Year being a dick.
Warren Beatty Is The World Sex Champion!
by ThaneEconomou
A new biography states that Warren Beatty has slept with nearly 13,000 women in his lifetime. Written by Peter Biskind, “Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America” estimates that the number of women Beatty bedded is approximately 12,775. Biskind said that does not include “daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses, and so on.”
On how he came upon such a specific number, Biskind actually said it was “simple arithmetic,” but would not explain further. Here at National Lampoon, we believe we have cracked his mathematical equation:
(Star Power x Bonnie and Clyde) + (Good Hair x Academy Award Winner – Ishtar) x Penis Size = 12,775.
With all the buzz about upcoming books and interviews covering the inside tee-ball game played during the McCain/Palin failed campaign last year, one can really hear the differences above in Sarah Palin’s own words.
Nothing too shocking really.
***
Meet me live for a panel discussion on politics and humor! Tomorrow, 12:00PM at The Marriott Marquee In Times Square, NYC. You can either get tickets across the street at TwoFers (Spelling? Sorry. I really should be more careful) or… Feel free to tweet me for free tickets!
The Washington Post is reporting that Barack Obama plans to push back his State of the Union address to February 2nd. This is the same night as the season premiere of the sixth, and final, season of Lost. And while White House sources claim Obama will push back the primetime speech in order to pass Health Care legislation first, one wonders if more sinister reasons are to blame.
My anger at the President caused me to attend a Tea Party rally. There I discovered many Lost fans with theories on why Obama hates the awesome show. The best explanation: Obama is freaked out by the multitudes of similarities between his life and the hit ABC show.
At the risk of making a statement that evokes nothing but a collective “no shit” from its audience:
ABC’s “Full House” was gay.
No offense to the homosexual community but you guys lost the word “gay” a long time ago. Just like my grandmother lost it in 1950 and my niece is most likely going to lose it again by 2050. Not sure what it will mean tomorrow (perhaps cold?) but as of January 6, 2010 it means retarded. (No offense to the retard community but you guys lost the word “retarded” a long time ago.) Read the rest of this entry »
Alfred Hightower was on the run. He was wanted on several accounts of drug dealing and had been hiding for quite some time. He ran from his home in Indiana and was believed to be somewhere in Canada. Hightower had just one more weakness other than avoiding the law…he was Rastlynn of Azeroth from the online game World of Warcraft. Yes, that’s right…he’s the lamest criminal ever.
After issuing a subpoena to Blizzard Entertainment, they gave the police Hightower’s IP Address and located him almost immediately in Ottawa, Canada. If only Hightower wasn’t so busy questing and just used his locking spells correctly, he could’ve diverted from this burning legion. Alas, he was defeated.
WOW has been awarded an honorary badge to can criminals at their most vulnerable…while working on their realm statuses or “melting faces”.
This may not be the first time a criminal has been caught through the gaming world…
Alfred Hightower…you just got pwned!
5, 000 members of a popular dating website Beautifulpeople.com have been banished due to their apparent weight gain over the holidays. Site Fuhrer, Robert Hintze will not tolerate fatties within his dating network but promises to continue accepting skinny date rapists.
He addressed his Reich of beauty by saying “As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.” What a guy.
Each member dismissed received emails suggesting they re-apply when they’re not so fat or ugly with additional resources on which weight loss programs they could do.
Congratulations to all those who made the Nazi…I mean Aryan… I mean pathetic exclusive dating website cut.
Thanks for starting off the New Year being a dick.
A new biography states that Warren Beatty has slept with nearly 13,000 women in his lifetime. Written by Peter Biskind, “Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America” estimates that the number of women Beatty bedded is approximately 12,775. Biskind said that does not include “daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses, and so on.”
On how he came upon such a specific number, Biskind actually said it was “simple arithmetic,” but would not explain further. Here at National Lampoon, we believe we have cracked his mathematical equation:
(Star Power x Bonnie and Clyde) + (Good Hair x Academy Award Winner – Ishtar) x Penis Size = 12,775.
With all the buzz about upcoming books and interviews covering the inside tee-ball game played during the McCain/Palin failed campaign last year, one can really hear the differences above in Sarah Palin’s own words.
Nothing too shocking really.
***
Meet me live for a panel discussion on politics and humor! Tomorrow, 12:00PM at The Marriott Marquee In Times Square, NYC. You can either get tickets across the street at TwoFers (Spelling? Sorry. I really should be more careful) or… Feel free to tweet me for free tickets!
The Washington Post is reporting that Barack Obama plans to push back his State of the Union address to February 2nd. This is the same night as the season premiere of the sixth, and final, season of Lost. And while White House sources claim Obama will push back the primetime speech in order to pass Health Care legislation first, one wonders if more sinister reasons are to blame.
My anger at the President caused me to attend a Tea Party rally. There I discovered many Lost fans with theories on why Obama hates the awesome show. The best explanation: Obama is freaked out by the multitudes of similarities between his life and the hit ABC show.
At the risk of making a statement that evokes nothing but a collective “no shit” from its audience:
ABC’s “Full House” was gay.
No offense to the homosexual community but you guys lost the word “gay” a long time ago. Just like my grandmother lost it in 1950 and my niece is most likely going to lose it again by 2050. Not sure what it will mean tomorrow (perhaps cold?) but as of January 6, 2010 it means retarded. (No offense to the retard community but you guys lost the word “retarded” a long time ago.) (more…)
Alfred Hightower was on the run. He was wanted on several accounts of drug dealing and had been hiding for quite some time. He ran from his home in Indiana and was believed to be somewhere in Canada. Hightower had just one more weakness other than avoiding the law…he was Rastlynn of Azeroth from the online game World of Warcraft. Yes, that’s right…he’s the lamest criminal ever.
After issuing a subpoena to Blizzard Entertainment, they gave the police Hightower’s IP Address and located him almost immediately in Ottawa, Canada. If only Hightower wasn’t so busy questing and just used his locking spells correctly, he could’ve diverted from this burning legion. Alas, he was defeated.
WOW has been awarded an honorary badge to can criminals at their most vulnerable…while working on their realm statuses or “melting faces”.
This may not be the first time a criminal has been caught through the gaming world…
Alfred Hightower…you just got pwned!
5, 000 members of a popular dating website Beautifulpeople.com have been banished due to their apparent weight gain over the holidays. Site Fuhrer, Robert Hintze will not tolerate fatties within his dating network but promises to continue accepting skinny date rapists.
He addressed his Reich of beauty by saying “As a business, we mourn the loss of any member, but the fact remains that our members demand the high standard of beauty be upheld. Letting fatties roam the site is a direct threat to our business model and the very concept for which BeautifulPeople.com was founded.” What a guy.
Each member dismissed received emails suggesting they re-apply when they’re not so fat or ugly with additional resources on which weight loss programs they could do.
Congratulations to all those who made the Nazi…I mean Aryan… I mean pathetic exclusive dating website cut.
Thanks for starting off the New Year being a dick.
A new biography states that Warren Beatty has slept with nearly 13,000 women in his lifetime. Written by Peter Biskind, “Star: How Warren Beatty Seduced America” estimates that the number of women Beatty bedded is approximately 12,775. Biskind said that does not include “daytime quickies, drive-bys, casual gropings, stolen kisses, and so on.”
On how he came upon such a specific number, Biskind actually said it was “simple arithmetic,” but would not explain further. Here at National Lampoon, we believe we have cracked his mathematical equation:
(Star Power x Bonnie and Clyde) + (Good Hair x Academy Award Winner – Ishtar) x Penis Size = 12,775.
SPORTS
GAMING
MOVIES
