So people apparently love gambling. Let’s fill in some blanks.

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

5. Anna Kendrick, Up In The Air. As stacked as the leading lady category is, the supporting section is like the premade sandwich section at Ralph’s around 1am. This chick had the worst fake cry in movies since Mike Meyer’s splashed water in his face in Waynes World 2. Same Chances As: Rosie Perez in Fearless, 1993. Odds: 40/1

4. Penelope Cruz, Nine. Penelope, who is a pretty good actress in spanish and the female Keanu Reeves in English, has the tough spot of being nominated for a movie everyone agreed kinda stunk. To give her the award is to excise everything from consideration save the performance. Since when do the Oscars do that? Same Chances As: Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal, 2006. Odds: 21/1.

3. Maggie Gyllenhaal, Crazy Heart. The victim of savage blowback. No matter how good she is, doubters will say that they could have put a table next to Jeff Bridges and it would have gotten nominated. Kinda like when evaluating Bird and Magic without thinking about their supporting casts. Or Manning vs Brady. Sports sports sports. Sports. Same Chances As: Lorraine Bracco in Goodfellas, 1990. Odds: 9/1. Read the rest of this entry »

Remember those excuses always neatly tucked in your back pocket to get out of a jam with Mommy?

First-term Rep. Eric Massa announced Wednesday that he will not seek reelection, saying his doctors have told him that he can’t continue to “run at 100 miles an hour.”

But several House aides told POLITICO that the House ethics committee has been informed of allegations that the New York Democrat, who is married with two children, made unwanted advances toward a junior male staffer.  [...]

Asked specifically about the sexual-harassment allegations, he said: “When someone makes a decision to leave Congress, everybody says everything. I have health issues. I’ll talk about it [later].”

Massa has suffered from Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. On a conference call with reporters Wednesday afternoon, he said he was hospitalized in December and that his doctors made it clear to him that he needed to slow down. He denied that he was retiring because of a sexual-harassment claim.

Andrew Koenig was found dead in Canada yesterday from an apparent suicide.  He was best known for playing “Boner” on “Growing Pains”.  Andrew also had many other endeavors in comedy.  He had a feature film called New Wave he had been working to produce for some time.  He was a part of several web sites (http://www.monkeygolucky.com and http://www.pardcast.com/).  He did improv and loved making people laugh.

Andrew Koenig on the Set of "Instinct vs. Reason"

I had the pleasure of meeting Andrew in 2004. I was just starting out as a screenwriter and had optioned a script (”Instinct vs. Reason“) to a small production company. We made a short film script out of that feature script to take to festivals and try to build up interest for a feature. They hired on Andrew to direct. Andrew brought in a lot of fun, energy and creativity and made something that everyone seemed to enjoy.

I traveled out to LA for the table read and for the premiere of the short. When I told me friend that Koenig was directing, he begged me to get his autograph for him, but I chickened out when I finally met Andrew. While out in LA, Andrew invited me to an improv show he was doing on a regular basis. At that time, he had real life and joy about him. He loved entertaining and making people laugh. The improv show was fairly small, but you could see happiness in him every time he told a joke that landed.

Then I went back out to LA for the premiere. It went well, although it didn’t win any awards, it still meant the world to me. Andrew expressed a little frustration to me about the results. He left early from the festival that night and that was the last time I saw him. We kept in touch in email after that. I even invited him to my bachelor party in Vegas. Being a TV star and all, I would have totally understood had he not even responded, but he still took the time to apologize to me that he couldn’t make it.

To a lot of people, he was that guy from Growing Pains. But to me, he was the first director I ever collaborated with. The first “star” I ever got to work with. I guy I watched in several endeavors over the years do all he could to entertain and make people laugh. A guy I was too scared to ask for an autograph from. I only met him in person twice and I’m not sure what it meant to him, but that little film we came together to make represents a really special part of my life. And I feel just terrible that I never let him know how much that all meant to me. Thank you so much, Andrew! I’m sure you’re in a better place now making people laugh.

Mark and Andy are back with the first video version of Suckling at the Glass Teat!

Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan get trapped in an impromptu wordplay rant. Seann William Scott and I talk over each other. COP OUT, directed by Kevin Smith.

METACAFE EXCLUSIVE! Matt Zaller Interviews Cast of Cop Out - Watch more top selected videos about: Matt_Zaller, Bruce_Willis, Kevin_Smith, Seann_William_Scott, Cop_Out_(film)

This morning, the California Assembly approved a ceremonial resolution that would make the first week of March “Cuss Free Week.” This measure was inspired by a Southern California teen who created a “no cussing” club at his school. The teen could not be reached for comment because he is currently stuffed in his locker. However, his “no cussing” movement has become an international zeitgeist, and now Californians should think twice before saying shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, or tits.

Of fucking course the California Assembly has nothing better to do than this. It’s not like there is an ongoing mother fucking recession going on, of which California is specifically hurting. And while the Assembly is trying to clean our language, maybe they should focus on cleaning the goddamn air. The smog is so bad the Hollywood sign could now say Fucktard for all I know.

But first, this stupid fucking measure will have to be signed in by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. However, Schwarzenegger loves cussing. Once, in 1977, he was quoted as saying “If a girl comes on strong, and says, ‘I really dig your body and I want to fuck the shit out of you,’ I just decide whether or not I like her.” And in his seminal film Running Man, he once said “I hope you leave enough room for my fist, because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your goddamn spine.”

I have a feeling the Governator’s love of the word fuck may stop him from signing this resolution, considering he once sent this letter out to legislaters:

Read the rest of this entry »