Okay so I was wrong. Way wrong. After the miracle crash landing of US Airways flight 1549 in the Hudson River I was sure that at least one of its 115 survivors would score a book deal or movie of the week. Alas, my faith in humanity has been restored thanks to one Greg Lorentino (above), a passenger aboard the downed flight who recently told Larry King that he wants to cash in on his “new lease on life” by learning how to properly order for he and his wife when at a fancy French restaurant.

When pressed as to ‘how’ he currently orders French cuisine, the self-described foodie and avid chess player told Larry he often mumbles gibberish then frantically coughs as if something is in his throat, ultimately pointing to the menu while downing a glass of “fizzy water” in hopes that the waiter doesn’t catch on.

Later during the hour-long interview, which painstakingly recounted each and every minute leading up to the splash landing and subsequent rescue by first responders some 90-seconds afterwards, Greg said he was in fact approached by Hollywood for the rights of his harrowing experience but declined because he does not want to be portrayed by Tom Cruise in a fat suit.

Greg and his wife, Margie, are so overwhelmed with gratitude for the plane’s hero captain, Chesley B. Sullenberger III, that they plan on naming their unborn chid “Sully,” be it a boy or girl. But before they decorate the nursery in a US Airways motif Greg’s first order of business is to lose his “beer gut and first two chins.”

Good luck, Greg. We’re pulling for you.

Crash Survivor Vows to Lose 20 lbs, Learn French

Okay so I was wrong. Way wrong. After the miracle crash landing of US Airways flight 1549 in the Hudson River I was sure that at least one of its 115 survivors would score a book deal or movie of the week. Alas, my faith in humanity has been restored thanks to one Greg Lorentino [...]