As National Lampoon’s chief junior fashion reporter, I am pleased to announce the top costumes for the 2009 Halloween season. Recommended here are the finest choices in costumes for the man that wants to show off his topicality.

Don Draper:

As season three of Mad Men winds down, any man can throw on a suit and a thin tie and become Don Draper. Except you’ll look nowhere near as good, probably can’t drink as much scotch as him, and will lack the ability to make women orgasm by glancing at them. You will, however, instantly feel cooler, look awesome smoking the four and a half packs of cigarettes necessary for the evening, and increase your chances of cheating on your wife.

Barack Obama:

Be America’s favorite current president for Halloween! Optional styles include: secret Muslim Obama, Messiah Obama, Socialist Obama, and Kenyan baby Obama.

This costume is not recommended if you are white. Except … is it still considered black face if Obama is half white? Cause technically, that means all the black people going as him are doing white face then. And that is extremely offensive to me.

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Although high-waisted pants, shorts and pencil skirts have previously been popular solutions for disguising that extra bulge, the Muffin Top, believe it or not, is this seasons’ hottest fashion trend.

Muffin Tops, as long as they’ve been around, have been a girls’ worst fear. But now, even the celebrities are embracing this once fashion “faux pas”. The latest runway collection has been promoting a new clothing line called More to Love Jeans, INC, which focuses on the super low rise fit for the full muffin scrunching effect. This look is especially perfect for those looking to show off their overlapping backside tribal tat!

“We never thought it would happen…but stranger things have transpired in the world of fashion… like last season’s uni-brow phenomenon and Summer 2008’s Quadraboob sensation, ” says random Vogue Editor.

Whether it’s the frontal bulge or all over baggage, More to Love Jeans, INC caters to making any protuberance look sexy. This phenomenon has taken high fashion by storm, so flaunt that muffin anywhere you can!