Gosh darn it. How awesome would it be if Republican Senator Richard Shelby of Alabama were, during his youth, actually Deputy Enos Strate of Hazzard County?

It’s not all that unplausible. Hazzard folk have gone on to accomplish the unthinkable: Luke Duke conquered Broadway, Cooter served as Georgia’s 4th District in the House of Representatives and I think, tell me if I’m wrong, that Uncle Jessie covered for Santa the year Christmas was held without him.

While the country watches Sen. Shelby on Capitol Hill today grill the likes of Boss Hogg, Roscoe and Cletus… er, General Motors, Ford and Chrysler for a hair brained scheme to swindle billions of taxpayer dollars, we haven’t seen hide nor hair of Enos since he moved out to L.A. to fight crime with Turk.

Step away from your monitor and squint at that there dipstick. Now add thirty pounds, thirty years and thirty more rejections from Daisy and you can’t tell me that the do-gooder couldn’t have become an elected official.

Friday morning, clowns from the Big Apple Circus rang the opening bell for the New York Stock Exchange.  Master of Ceremonies Carrie Harvey and Grandma the Clown ushered in the day of trading. This is of course before Grandma went to her new day job at clown Walmart to supplement her clown retirement after her clown mutual fund went right in the crapper.

Don’t get me wrong, the Big Apple Circus is wonderful, but after the Dow plummeted another 300+ points, you start thinking “ehhhhh…maybe bringing in Patch Adams wasn’t such a good idea.”

With GM trading now at $3 a share, 17 people fitting into a tiny car just doesn’t seem that funny. I mean, if we could do that we wouldn’t be in this situation.