Apparently, someone in Japan implanted a chip in my brain to spy on me and steal my dreams for profitable movie ideas. Bonus points to those who recognize the background music, or have seen Tokyo Gore Police. Oh, and some of this is a little NSFW, so if you’re looking for a way out of your job, rock it loud.

Tomoji Tanabe, the world’s oldest man, died in Japan at age 113.

He was so old…

HOW OLD WAS HE?

He was so old that he would go to the buffet for dinner at 2 in the afternoon.

He was so old that ACDC told him to turn his TV down.

He was so old that he never said things were better in his days, because his days were the Great Depression.

He was so old that he got the Senior Special back when IHOP was still the League of Nations of Pancakes (LONOP)

He was so old his social security number was 1.

He was so old that he went into a museum and they kept him.

He was so old he watched PBS

He was so old that he was never really impressed by technology, because he invented fire.

He was so old that when he saw Jurassic Park in theaters, he got nostalgic.

He was so old he’s got Jesus’s beeper number.

He was so old when God said let there be light, he flipped the switch.

He was so old when someone told him to act his age, he died!

But yeah, he’s dead. So…

Come on this is ridicules! Having three men haul in this robotic teacher, which looks like an anime character, into class is purely asinine. Is this world so scares of teachers that a robotic one has to be made? Plus, if you wanted to indoctrinate the children into thinking whatever you wanted them too, would it be that hard? Just program “Robo-instructor” to teach the kids that Sunday is the day where you steal money from your parents and bring it to the teaching assistant. Bam! Now you have enough money to get that vintage rotary-phone you have always wanted.