Sing, goddess, the anger of Mad’s son Michael

And its devastation, which put pain thousandfold upon

Zaller and his Zaz.

What was it then set them together in bitter collision?

The sad sombrero, or the menacing moustache—marauding

in guise of greater guile?

Strike up in your mind’s eye, noble Madsen

Just how you’ve made alien your most loyal

Apostle, who preached your gospel and sung your praise:

Yes, Madsen: mind most high

(whose penis prevails perpetual

the proof of which lies potent

in the pudding of Zaller’s visage)

scholar and renaissance man,

who no doubt appreciates this English heroic verse,

why forsake ye your truest of friends?

A comedian comes to stroke your

Ego, his sole job rests in hurting himself,

That renders you more regal

You do it yourself, yielding

Not to conscience, or the cacophony

Of other multiple persons that in your mind

Lurk, lying in wait with specious passion

Of self-defence.

Oh, muse, do make him see,

Give him sight of the specific sorrow,

Yea take his eyes farther than his tactful hat,

Now that he may know what he has done:

That he has taken our job,

Becoming the barb

That the comedian continu’lly seeks.

What use have we for jokes

Or whimsy, when you

For our pleasure do all provide:

Your dream-drought

And your high hat—

That merry mitre of a majestic mind.

Muse or dote, Mr Madsen, do take note

These comedians wish you would comport

Since now we will see you sink, not float

In the costly and honored halls of civil court.

John Cusack, Amanda Peet, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Director Roland Emmerich participate in an open and candid forum about the potential end of the world, and their new film 2012. The meandering of the forum ushered in topics such as Vicodin, dehydrated food pills, Elephants, The Queen of England, boxes of humanity, Noah’s arc, and so forth. I attempt to convince Chiwetel Ejiofor that we share the same birthday, award nominations, and life history. I also attempt to convince Roland Emmerich that they’ve worked together before and are friends. Much to my chagrin, Emmerich remembers that they do not know each other…yet. Worth a watch.

British comic Nick Frost and Actor Tom Sturridge step into the world of Matt’s mind for a quick jaunt into the nether-regions of imaginative forestry. Watch as space is explored, teeth, spirits, African generals, joints, long hair, and boats.

Talulah Riley, one of the stars of the upcoming film PIRATE RADIO, sat down to have a chat with me about the various topics of the boat movie genre, humpty dumpty, all things transatlantic, and giving birth. Please enjoy.

Chris Rock has a new film called GOOD HAIR, which discusses the culture of hair within the African-American community. The film is a funny and informative snapshot of the subject. I decided to bring an African-American baby doll to see what, if any, stereotypes I could dispel.

I decided to throw together a list of the top 5 worst local commercials of all time! I was recently inspired by watching old episodes my sketch comedy show called Beef Baloney that I used to do in Tulsa, Oklahoma. It aired on the local Fox (KOKI, Fox 23). Me and my buddies Robert Kurtz, Nathan Gray, and Bryan Storkel used to make all the commercials for the show ourselves, and lots of them were like, really, extremely, grotesquely bad. But also really funny. It’s a story that deserves a longer post - but after watching Comedy Central’s new show Secret Girlfriend last night, it reminded a lot of the stuff the Beef Baloney crew used to do. Especially the local commercial they make. Enjoy my list below!

#5 - OK Gold Fronts Commercial
*Interesting note - We aired this commercial in exchange for real gold fronts. I still have mine. BLING BITCHES!

#4 - Dan Mayo’s personal Website Commercial
*Interesting Note - This guy gave us like $10,000 to air this. YouTube disabled the audio…but he approved this commercial. The audio is just some random song.

#3 - The MET Recycling Commercial
*Interesting Note - We made this commercial in like 2 hours. We were trying to go green. We also product placed Red Bull within another commercial so we’d continue to get free Red Bull. We were addicted.

#2 - Zane’s Vintage Goods Commercial
*Interesting Note - This Zane guy wanted to be in his commercial. So we featured him and made it as insane as possible because the dude was a nut. He also never paid us everything he owed us and tried to pay me in pills.

#1 - Secret Girlfriend - Benny’s Commercial
*Interesting Note - I wish we would have been able to do a commercial for a strip club. This one is solid. Secret Girlfriend premieres on Comedy Central tonight at 10:30 eastern.