1. When launching her campaign in her hometown of Waterloo, IA, she stated that, like the famous John Wayne, who was born in Waterloo, she also has the same kind of spirit as he did. Only problem is that John Wayne wasn’t born in Waterloo, it was mass-murderer John Wayne Gacy. When told of the mistake, she apologized for the error and said that people knew what she meant. (That she plans to brutally rape and murder America.)
2. Bachmann signed a “Marriage Vow” pledge that also happened to include a …

At the Iowa straw poll, which sounds like a way for the Amish to pick who’s going to drive the lead buggy, The Minnesotan Mother of Mayhem Michele Bachmann narrowly beat out the Texas Toker Ron Paul.

The United of States of America temporarily staved off ruining its own finances and those of the rest of the world for a few days last week, when Congress passed a measure lifting the debt ceiling a little higher. Although the roof was raised on how much we can repay, our once great nation has already begun its descent into the pit of abject poverty, thanks to the S&P downgrade of the USA to AA status.
Everyone knows (save for rich people who run businesses and poor people who …

The following is the transcript of a speech given this morning by political powerhouse Sarah Palin in celebration of Flag Day:
“My Fellow Americans, as most of you know, and as I just found out a few minutes ago, today is the day we celebrate the birthin’ of our flag by Betsy Ross. Now don’cha know that star-spangled bangle was a symbol back then of our basic freedoms just the same as it is now. For when Ms. Ross got on that sewin’ machine and put those red, white and blue …

Let’s see what’s in the news today, Lampoon readers…Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? Jay Leno returned to late night last night, but his chin came back the night before.
So, Did anyone see the Tonight Show With Jay Leno last night? Rumor has it they’re re-airing the show tonight under the name “The Totally Annoying Jamie Foxx Variety Hour.“
In all seriousness folks, Jay Leno got a huge welcome back from his late night audience last night…and an even bigger welcome back from Jamie Foxx’s ego.
Leno’s first segment …

Ever since the debate over reforming health care began to rage in this country, those crazy tea party people have been complaining about pretty much everything; trying to get their point across by brandishing guns and misspelled signs.  The more open-minded masses have been trying to figure out a way to sweep them under the rug, but that’s kind of hard when they have an entire news network backing them.
We think their blathering, incoherent protests could be more effective if they took a lesson from their Ukranian counterparts.  Ukrainian women …

“I Can See The Uterine Currette From My House!”

I am outraged:
Description
Sarah’s got a gun
and a nice pair of…glasses.
Little Sarah embryo is about 1.25″ long (not including the loop on top).
Comes with a red ribbon and a gift box.
Feti is just for fun, no political statements being made here.
How many times have you seen “Baby’s First ____” gifts?
Feti is a step ahead with special gifts for the expectant mom or dad.

Disgusting.  I mean, how low will they go?
Apparently, not a penny under $9.99 excluding shipping and handling.
(H/T GottaLaff)

(Via Howard 100)
With all the buzz about upcoming books and interviews covering the inside tee-ball game played during the McCain/Palin failed campaign last year, one can really hear the differences above in Sarah Palin’s own words.
Nothing too shocking really.
***
Meet me live for a panel discussion on politics and humor!  Tomorrow, 12:00PM at The Marriott Marquee In Times Square, NYC.  You can either get tickets across the street at TwoFers (Spelling?  Sorry.  I really should be more careful) or… Feel free to tweet me for free tickets!

The Washington Post is reporting that Barack Obama plans to push back his State of the Union address to February 2nd. This is the same night as the season premiere of the sixth, and final, season of Lost. And while White House sources claim Obama will push back the primetime speech in order to pass Health Care legislation first, one wonders if more sinister reasons are to blame.
My anger at the President caused me to attend a Tea Party rally. There I discovered many Lost fans with …

Ho-hum.  Happy almost New Year.  Ever masturbate with a cheese grater?
What?  You haven’t?  Fortunately, here at the National Lampoon comedy factory, we endeavor to give our readers nothing less than the ultimate Jimmy mutilation experience — the worst stand-up comedy of the new millennium (maybe even worse than the stand-up Jesus did for the Jews and Ginzos back in the day).
Joe “The Plumber” Wurzelbacher

I know.  You disagree.  Joe’s the Republican Chris Rock.
Lemme go out on a limb:  Joe sucks the taint on the taint of my balls.  Did you see …