Happy Mother’s Day to all the Zaz Moms out there!

Here’s Motherlover:

Guess What!? Celebrities Don’t Care About You!

The time has come people.  It’s time to stop obsessing over someone who, chances are, will never meet you, nor come to know you in a way that forces you to reevaluate your lifestyle decisions.  So, guys, pop open that can of Pringles.  Feel free to eat three personal pan pizzas in a day and polish it off with some Cheetos without brushing your teeth.  Cuz, chances are, Jessica Alba is out there macking on some other dude right now.

I recently went out in NYC on a girls’ night out (also known as every Friday of my life.  Just kidding, gentlemen.  Emoticon WINK! ) and met one of my friend’s friend, who we will now call Callie (to protect her anonymity and chance of ever actually meeting a future boyfriend).  Anyway, apparently before we all got together, earlier in the week, once my friend told Callie how I do stand-up comedy, she somehow got the idea that I must roll in the same crowd as her fixation du jour: SNL regular Andy Samberg.  Evidently, the two of them then had a five-hour-long conversation about Callie’s undying love for him.  (Five hours?!  Really!?  That’s, like, practically a whole day, right!?)  By the time Friday night rolled around she finally met me, it became clear that, in Callie’s deranged celebrity-crazed mind, Andy Samberg and I were somehow one and the same.

I barely had the chance to squeek out an introduction, before Callie was putting both hands on my shoulders with crazy, wild eyes, stretched open so far that they looked like they were about to leap off her face.  Yeah, within minutes of meeting this chick I’d never encountered before, she literally yelling (yes, YELLING) in my face, drawing me in, close to her body, about how she “MUST MEET ANDY SAMBERG. YOU’RE A COMEDIENNE.  Look, I NEED THIS.  Hook it uuuup!”  Umm, I’m sorry, but did I miss a memo?!  For the record, Andy Samberg and I have never met.  I don’t chill at his bachelor pad, smoke weed on his coach, or go sneaker shopping with him on the weekends.  As much as it may surprise you, we’ve never exchanged anecdotes about the blessings and burdens of being funny in such a crazy, mixed-up world, while wearing matching tweed jackets and blowing bubbles from Sherlock-Holmes-ian pipes in the park.  Nope, never met.

Before I could so much as take my coat off and pour a glass of wine, I was being bombarded with inane chatter about how this rando-chick (working in finance, by the way) is in love…LOVE…LOOOOOOOVE…with Andy Samberg.  “And, like, I just am obsessed with comedians. I’ve never gone to a comedy show here in the City.  Or anywhere else for that matter, but I know we would be peeeerrrfect!!!  Like, Icanbefunnytoooooo!!!  And I’mreallygoodatgivingfeedbackandknowingwhat’sfunny!!!”  Like, damn bitch, take a breath!  Before I even had time to Blackberry-Google ‘ways to ditch random stalkers,’ I knew way too much about this girl’s obsession.

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Hey guys, I got to visit the set of the CBS comedy Rules of Engagement a few months ago and interviewed the cast.  Season 3 of Rules starts this March on CBS!

Enjoy the interviews (please excuse my appearance, there was no showering involved):

State officials confirmed Sunday that former SNL writer Al Franken will be declared winner of his contested Minnesota senate race, which more importantly gives me an excuse to show this picture…

That is all.

My top 10 favorite SNL Holiday Sketches of all time.

(watch after the jump)

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So the first of the online segments of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon went up and…well…that’s pretty much the end of the story. Nothing happened. He said that he’s the new host (which we knew) and that The Roots are the new house band (which is awesome, but we knew) and that’s it. What the hell? Maybe I was mistaken but I thought there were going to be jokes. That wasn’t supposed to sound sarcastic. I really thought there was going to be some type of a thing-one-could-watch. The whole thing ran like a minute and a half, which means there was a half a page of dialogue and another 45 seconds of Jimmy breaking character and laughing to himself.

OK. That might have been a little harsh. Read More