Violence in children’s films is an epidemic of awesome proportions. And there is nothing I love more in this world than fight scenes in kid’s film, where children fight one another.

Some could say that these scenes are the reason for violence in today’s society. That’s probably true.

I used to watch kids fight each other in person, but now the judge says I have to be 1000 feet away from any playground. Fucking fascists. So here are the top five movie scenes where kids fight one another.

5. Little Spock v. Little Vulcans in Star Trek

Little Spock is half human, and his emotions flair up when these asshole Vulcan kids start talking about his momma. Spock knocks one kid down into the Vulcan school hole thing, and punches his face in.

4. Luke v. Rob in First Kid

Rob, played by Zachary Ty Bryan from Home Improvement, beats up the president’s son, Luke. But all it takes is one boxing training montage with Sinbad, and this kid beats the hell out of the little bastard the next chance he gets. Of course, this gets Sinbad fired, and the kid almost gets kidnapped by a coked-out former bodyguard before Sinbad runs faster than a bullet to save him. But all the same. Great fight scene.

3. Short Round v. Zalim Singh in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Short Round sucks. He’s annoying as hell and everyone knows it. But he has one redeeming moment. When the only more annoying character in the whole movie, the little Prince with the girly voice named Zalim, is trying to kill Indiana using a voodoo doll (seriously), Short Round throws him down and the two have a wrestling match, and Short Round messes the kid up!

2. Ralphie Parker v. Scut Farkus in A Christmas Story

Perhaps why these fights are so awesome are for their underlying theme. They are all kids beating the shit out of bullies. And perhaps in no other scene is this pent up aggression more visible than Ralphie having enough of Scut Farkus and his yellow eyes. He knocks him down onto the snow, and continually punches him in the face while a steady torrent of obscenities flows from him. Simply bodacious.

1. Mark Evans (Elijah Wood) v. Henry Evans (Macaulay Culkin) in The Good Son

The Good Son is the greatest film ever made. It stars Macaulay Culkin as an evil child who has killed one sibling, tries to kill the other, tries to kill his mother, and tells a young Elijah Wood “don’t fuck with me.” The movie could end no other way than the ultimate kid on kid fight on a cliff overlooking deadly shores a hundred feet below. The brawl is brutal as the two fight literally to the death. Finally, both are knocked over the side, and it is up to the mother to decide who lives and who dies. The rest is cinematic beauty.

It doesn’t open until May 9th but here’s the trailer for J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek.