The capture of Osama bin Laden has unleashed a treasure trove of intelligence that gives rare insight into the workings of the far flung Al Qaeda terro network. Thanks to National Lampoon’s high security clearance, we’ve been able to access some of the most interesting data on hard drives recovered from the terror leader’s hide out.
1. Documents/Fan Fic Folder/Twilight
Approximately 30 Word documents of Twilight fan fiction.  While the content is still being analyzed to check if it encodes information to terror cells around the world, it’s definitely safe to say …

The CW has a trendy hit in The Vampire Diaries, now in its second season. It follows sexy vampires living in our modern world. Now, there are vampires so modern they’re recording their lives in more tech savvy ways than diaries. From the CW online: THE VAMPIRE TWITTER.
With tweets that are just as banal as most human tweets…but way more vampire-y!

This Fall!

In recent years, some of the brightest and most intelligent members of the mentally inferior portion of the population have fallen victim to the charm and delight of the Twilight phenomenon. Taking time out of their busy schedule full of L.D. (Learning Disabled) classes and hours upon hours of laughing at reruns of Gilmore Girls, their obsession has led them to extreme lengths. They have spent millions of dollars on memorabilia, and have scarred their bodies for life with tattoos commemorating their love for their new passion. However, all of …

For some odd and very disturbing reason, I was not all that surprised to find out that the Twilight “phenomenon” is literally sucking the life out of relationships around the world. Even though it does not surprise me, it does piss me off. This just means that more people are going to see studies like this in the media and start following Twilight even further. Our society is in trouble.

Recently, researchers from Ancestry.co.uk have connected Robert Pattinson to Vlad III Dracula. Watching Twilight one may wonder if this is some sort of sick joke. Edward being an ancestor of the true Dracula is laughable. I do not recall vampires ever glowing in the sun and Vlad the Impaler would probably rip somebody’s throat out if he watched a fellow bloodsucker sparkle on screen without exploding.

Its that time again.  Time to figure out what you’re getting that special someone for Christmas.  You’ll be inundated with scents as you enter the Macys at the mall.  Most all of them will be endorsed by glamorous celebrities (and Britney as pictured above).  Last year, I helped you shop for that special celebrity related Christmas gift.  This year, I’m going to help you navigate some of the celebrity fragrances you may not have heard of.  (After the break):

The books have sold in the millions… mainly to half of the population.  The movies have truly resonated… with half the population.  This cultural phenomenon has swept over the nation in a crazed wave… with half of the population.  “The Twilight Saga”.   The story is a vampire falling in love with a plain girl and then she becomes torn between the vampire and a werewolf and so they fight over her.  And while it sounds like Monster Squad 2, guys have stayed away.  Twilight the movie took in $191 …

(Re-posting in honor of New Moon coming out today)

Robert Pattinson creeps me the hell out. I haven’t even seen his vampire movie. All I know him as is the kid who died in the Goblet of Fire and the guy who takes creepy photos. Look at the above picture. There’s something very, very wrong about him. He has Ivan Drago’s chin, hair you see on your average homeless man and dead eyes. Cold, dead eyes.

Since the moment Summit Entertainment announced its plans to make New Moon, its much anticipated sequel to Twilight, the company has been under pressure from millions of moms and tweens who are desperate to absorb every new bit of sexy, lucrative minutiae. In April, Summit whetted our appetites with news that Robert Pattinson’s character would feature more prominently in the film than he did in the book (natch). Later, at the MTV Movie Awards, we were permitted a fleeting look at Taylor Lautner’s imposing lupine avatar. Now, for the first …

At the conclusion of a movie, it is customary for viewers to composedly gather their belongings, unassumingly dispose of their leftover food on the theater floor, and calmly make their way toward the exit. Less frequently, viewers may feel compelled to linger on a while longer in order to observe a particularly engaging or plot-driven credit reel, as is the case with The Hangover or Se7en or Speed Racer.

In even rarer circumstances, viewers may become desirous to hurtle themselves from their seats at momentous speed, pushing their tired bodies to …