Look, I get it.  No, really, I do.  You like vampires.  A lot.  You like books about vampires and movies about vampires and this reaches a level of almost painful perfection when your favorite vampire book is made into a vampire movie.  I don’t want to drive a stake through the heart of your fetish but I have to be honest – I just don’t get it.  I mean I get why you scream for Robert Pattinson.  I think that’s a pretty self-explanatory situation - everyone, their mom and probably even grandma would like to take a bite out of that.  What I don’t get is why in the last few years, it’s become all about vampires.  Books, TV shows like HBO’s Tru Blood and now Twilight?

I first noticed it in the romance novel section (judge all you want, we both know you’ve read them) and I thought why not, I’ll try one.  But I didn’t get all hot and bothered when reading about the difficulties of having a relationship with a vampire.  It’s hard enough dealing with living dudes – who has the time and energy to figure out the nuances involved with dating the undead.  Now I find out that apparently these Stephanie Meyer books are a big deal and everywhere I go, someone’s carrying one and working hard to convert me to the darkside.  Let me save you the effort – if I could withstand questionable allure of The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter, I’m certainly not going to break over a little bloodsucking.

It was while I was defending my anti-vampire stance that I realized that it comes down to something very simple – either you’re a fan of magic and the supernatural or you’re not.  As a kid, I remember loving alien and ghost stuff although magic never did it for me.  In fact, I think every kid believes that their teacher is an alien or that that howling isn’t just the wind.   It would be weird if they didn’t.  But at some point, it didn’t hold my attention anymore – real life, or as it’s depicted in books and movies, became more interesting than the fantastic activities of the imaginary.  The truth is that in some ways, I’m jealous of the of the screaming fans – their ability to hold on to the famous English class “willing suspension of disbelief” has outlasted childhood and probably makes being an adult much easier.  How great it must be to imagine that anything can really happen, at any time.

But empathy is as far as I’m willing to go.  Sure, if Robert Pattinson wanted to give me a private screening, I’d manage to somehow sit through it.  But for all of you who keep trying to get me to read it, see it, be one with it, I have just two words for you and I know you’re going to love them: bite me.

In honor of Twilight opening this weekend, we compiled a top 10 list of the Hottest Vampire Babes of all time…

Let’s face it, Vampires are the new black.

10. Kristen Bauer as Pam - True Blood

9. The Brides of Dracula - Van Helsing

8. Charlotte Ayanna as Tatiana - The Insatiable

7. Sadie Frost as Lucy - Bram Stoker’s Dracula

6. Jeri Ryan as Valerie Sharpe - Dracula 2000

5. Aaliyah as Queen Akasha - Queen of The Damned

4. Lauren Hutton as Countess - Once Bitten

3. Leonor Varela as Nyssa - Blade II

2. Kate Beckinsale as Selene - Underworld

1. Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium - Dusk Till Dawn

This past week Natasha and I went on a search for one original screenplay idea in Los Angeles since everything seems to be a remake. Lampoon’s Sandy Danto thought he had the answers…not so much.

The Skinny Ep.6 - “Desperately Seeking Originality”