2009’s Top Halloween Costumes For Men

by Thane Economou

As National Lampoon’s chief junior fashion reporter, I am pleased to announce the top costumes for the 2009 Halloween season. Recommended here are the finest choices in costumes for the man that wants to show off his topicality.

Don Draper:

As season three of Mad Men winds down, any man can throw on a suit and a thin tie and become Don Draper. Except you’ll look nowhere near as good, probably can’t drink as much scotch as him, and will lack the ability to make women orgasm by glancing at them. You will, however, instantly feel cooler, look awesome smoking the four and a half packs of cigarettes necessary for the evening, and increase your chances of cheating on your wife.

Barack Obama:

Be America’s favorite current president for Halloween! Optional styles include: secret Muslim Obama, Messiah Obama, Socialist Obama, and Kenyan baby Obama.

This costume is not recommended if you are white. Except … is it still considered black face if Obama is half white? Cause technically, that means all the black people going as him are doing white face then. And that is extremely offensive to me.

The Ghost of Patrick Swayze:

But not Patrick Swayze in Ghost - that would just be tacky. Instead throw on his outfits from either Point Break or Road House, slap on a halo and wings, and you are one classy, heavenly mother fucker.

Other fabulously dead celebrities to go Trick-or-Treating as include the Oxi-Clean guy, Ed McMahon, and David Carradine (ropes for around neck and genitals recommended).

Joaquin Phoenix:

Big bushy beard. Dark sunglasses. Lack of any rapping ability.

Balloon Boy:

2009’s break out star is a must for any Halloween party. As Falcon, simply dress up as a normal looking child whose life is actually psychotic and vomit occasionally when on live television.

Rod Blagojevich:

No Halloween event would be complete without this slimy son of a bitch. To recreate his iconic look, simply kill a squirell and wear it on your head.

One of the Jonas Brothers:

Don’t have friends? Simply go as one boy from the famous trio. You can go as one of the two bushy haired Jews or as their adopted, straight haired Latino brother.

Susan Boyle:

2009’s most famous man made a big splash on youtube by dressing up as a woman. You do the same, and who knows? Maybe you’ll have a nervous breakdown before being voted a disappointing second place in the Halloween costume contest.

And that’s it! The best Halloween costumes for men based on the events of 2009.

Jesus, it’s been a crappy year.