Casey Wilson is one of the rising stars on Saturday Night Live. She’s funny. She’s beautiful. And she’s funny and beautiful and funny. She also wants to see more female comedians in the world and we’re going to star in my romantically self-produced/penned movie “Titanic II: Jack’s Back.” (Casey doesn’t know about this…)

Onto our interview…

Q.) How can somebody like me - who lacks wit, personality and is referred to as “the most boring person in the UNIVERSE” become funny?

A.) My experience with you, Daniel (or Dan the Man as you have begged me to refer to you) has been mercifully minimal.  I do, however, wholeheartedly agree with the comment made about you. I would say sleep with some of your comedic brethren? I have slept with 67% of SNL writers, performers and crew. I will have you, Kristen Wiig!

Q.) One time, someone said hanging out with me was like being in a funny silent film that lasts forever - minus the funny part with an emphasis on the lasting forever. Is that a bad quality to put on my J-Date profile?

A.) You’re Jewish???????!!!!! Interview over.

Q.) By taking steroids, will that make me a funnier writer?

A.) Yes.

Q.) How did you get involved with Saturday Night Live?

A.) I love how this serious question follows the first three so unapologetically.  What a shitty interviewer. No segue.  Wow.  I can’t believe I am doing this interview. I want to kill myself. I kid. Not about the last part. J/K, guys!!!  On the real tip- I went to the Tisch School at NYU and studied thea-tuh and then I did UCB in NYC and LA and did a two woman show and just put stuff up there a ton with my best friend, June Raphael. I didn’t think there were enough women doing comedy (I still don’t) and I loved it and from there I sent in a tape and the rest…is HERstory.

Q.) Have you ever realized the magnitude of your last name?

A.) Yes, I have! It always makes me proud that Tom Hanks’ beloved volleyball in Cast Away is my namesake…

Q.) Following up to the last name question - Are you related to Mr. Wilson from Dennis the Menace?

A.) Um…duh!  He’s my grandpa and he is waaaay nicer in person. Such a cool, laid back dude.

Q.) Would you rather be friends with someone who has chronic halitosis or hyperhidrosis?

A.) Why must I goggle search for this interview! I guess the latter, right? Sweating is better than bad breath. No jokes in this answer.

Q.) Do you get nervous performing on SNL?

A.) Yes! I do (get ready for a shameless plug of a video I made for www.funnyordie.com in 3, 2…and) I made this video for www.funnyordie.com (Casey Wilson responds to internet hate mail) about the internet comments people leave me on my IMDB page or show posts. They used to make me a little nervous to be on the show - but you can’t read that stuff. I didn’t fully answer the question but the plug fits best for this one.

Q.) Since you’re wonderfully funny and talented, hypothetically speaking - if you got stuck on an island with only me - would that make me, Daniel Harris Baer, your comedic influence and daily inspiration?

A.) I take inspiration from within, Daniel. Also, I love how you have succeeded in making this all about you! Hats off, truly. Well played.

Q.) I wrote a script with Steve Guttenberg in mind. Am I alone thinking that the “GOOT” is the G.O.A.T.? (Greatest of all Time)

A.) Your jokes give so little room for mine.

Q.) I’ve been having a lot of problems making friends because I’m boring. Lately, I’ve even got a couple of rejections from Facebook from attempted friendships. Will you be my Facebook friend? My readership (mom and dad) will want updates on this question. They are extremely worried.

A.) Yes. I accept anyone. Literally. Go on my page and you will see I speak the truth. This was fun-ish.

**Daniel’s Daily Disclaimer: People used to think I looked like the Great Hambino from “The Sandlot.”

Daniel Harris Baer is a screenwriter based in New York City.