The Scariest Thing I’ve Seen on MySpace

by Saucy Jack

By now, most people have left the social networking kiddie pool of MySpace and switched to Facebook or Twitter.  Still, a few of us just can’t abandon the profiles that we spent so much time fine tuning to reflect our individual personalities.  Without MySpace, how would we know when Hanson is going to play another show in our city (I checked, they actually do have a profile)?

Anyway, I logged out of this relic of a website the other day and I saw an advertisement on the side of the page that scared the living sh*t out of me.

This is an ad for a website that directs you towards schools of criminal justice in your area.  A fine enough service, but their strategy to lure in users is downright reckless.

There is a faceless man in black handing a gun to whoever is willing to answer the call.  It’s as if he’s saying, “Hey, tough guy, you want a way to impress that ex-girlfriend whose profile you’ve been browsing for the last thirty minutes?  Why don’t you get a job that allows you to carry a gun?”  And of course, because he’s a faceless man in black (executioner?), he will never be held accountable for the effect this ad will have on aggressive men with high testosterone.

Also, the headline is “Become FBI, SWAT, or a Police Officer.”  Notice how all the classic crime films gets addressed.  This is misleading because most of the people that use this service will actually become security guards (see comedy genre).  Even so, the positions are ordered in a very odd way.  FBI: really prestigious , SWAT: extremely prestigious, Police Officer: fairly prestigious.  It’s as if they cycled through the average assh*le’s wildest dreams, then threw in the one that was slightly possible at the end.

I am terrified by the idea that MySpace users may enter into a career in law enforcement because of a badass man with a gun said they could.  I would hate to get beaten down by an officer one day and then the next day see a bulletin reading, “Just racially profiled somebody… Whoops!”  Luckily, many precincts are in a hiring freeze because of the recession.  That may be the only positive of this entire economic downfall.