A senior Hamas leader was killed by Israeli air strikes yesterday. In other news:

- Jerry Seinfeld asks, “What’s the deal with kids’ birthday parties?”

“…and the babies, and the mothers, and the gifts, and the happiness and the…”

Click for more fun and contractually-obligated celebrity goo worth seeing just because you’re not ready to look at another spreadsheet!

- HAHA, remember that time I got corrective face surgery, and I wanted to go shopping for books and stuff, and my bodyguard brought my umbrella inside, only to unsuccessfully keep my face, entirely bandaged, exposed to the international press!?  So does Michael Jackson.

- That last one merits The Horn.

- What’s more shocking:  1.  Paris Hilton having the capability to express raw human feeling, like those of pardon and forgiveness, just days after $2 million worth of loot was stolen from her home ; or 2.  Paris Hilton actually getting another role in another film.

- SEXCLUSIVE:  NICK JONAS’ TESTOSTERONE (YES, IT EXISTS) SPEAKS OUT.

- Late, but still relevant:  A 4-way with Anne Hathaway only costs $12,000.  Or you could just rent “Havoc”, which is, like, 4 bucks at Blockbuster.

- Lastly, Kathy Griffin goes all Kathy Griffin on someone’s ass on live television.

Nice, CNN. Nice.